Down by the Wayside
by E. Rayne
Summary: For Cloud Strife getting over Zack meant swearing off of love. But when he returns home for Zack's wedding he's forced to face the past he's done his best to run away from and realize that there's more to life than coping, and maybe fate has something good in store for him too. [a/u]
1. prologue

[_recommended listening : 'My Hands Up' - Trespassers William_]

**prologue | an invitation**

He was over it.

Really. It had been ten years and all of the should haves, could haves, would haves, had been thought and accepted and filed away as lessons learned. He never even thought of Zack anymore, but sometimes he dreamed.

Every now and then lying in bed, somewhere between the end of the fourth REM cycle and waking he was fifteen again. He was fifteen and in his impossibly blue bedroom and Zack was with him and they were touching. Cloud's hands would be placed on Zacks pretzel folded knees as if to steady himself and the dark haired teen would lean forward, one hand bracing itself in the blue carpet as he brushed feather light kisses onto the younger teens trembling lips. The other hand would raise to cup the blondes jaw and he would press a kiss, soft and unsure, onto them and they'd stay like that for a few moments and pull away. Then it would be the blonde who would lean forward and press his own lips reassuringly over the others in a kiss that was strong yet strangely sweet. Strange for the circumstances. Things like this, experimenting, no strings attached, _hidden_ were not really supposed to be sweet. But it worked for them.

They were still learning at this time, discovering. Their tongues swirled clumsy and curious as if they were searching for something that they both knew wasn't quite _there_. But there were hormones and soft flesh and dream Cloud's hands would rise up from the knees along strong thighs to rest on pajama clad hips as dream Zack took control of the kiss and leaned forward, pushing his partner down onto the carpet and rolling their hips together in a way that sent electric shivers, still new, directly into both of their stomachs. Dream Cloud would moan into the kiss just as Dream Zack broke it, moving to nip and suck on the creamy expanse of the younger blonde's neck and shoulder, and Cloud would shutter and while dream Zack was distracted he'd flip their positions leaving the older boy a bit dazed as he found himself on his back.

Smirking from his position in the other boys lap he would roll their hips together, kissing down the other boys chest and simultaneously moving back until he reached the waistband of the pajama pants. He would lean down as his hands pulled and look up, clear ocean blue meeting briefly with violet and then-

He would wake up.

His eyes would snap open and the room would be too hot. In summer the sun would already be up but in Winter it would still be dark and it would be quiet like death or nowhere and his heart would be beating too fast.

He'd raise one hand to run through sweat damped blonde spikes and he'd lay there staring at the eggshell colored ceiling until his alarm went off. He would be shaking because it was _so real_ and he would take a cold shower and resent his subconscious.

Over morning coffee he would try to once again bury the memories-both of the past and of the dream and become once again Cloud Strife: 28, reasonably successful, well liked, healthy, and happy. He was happy. He had absolutely no reason not to be.

He would catch his frowning reflection in the microwave and stop, he'd rearrange his features so he was smiling but that looked weird so he let them settle into something neutral as he scolded himself in his mind. '_You are happy, nearly every commercial jingle on the tv was written by you, you're sought __after and respected. You have a nice apartment and a good job and many years of comfortable life ahead of you_. _You will do your best and reap the benefits of your effort.'_

He wouldn't let himself think about how quiet his house was, how lonely. How even when he was standing there in the kitchen it was still empty.

* * *

It was one of those rare days that did not start with a dream of his first love that the invitation arrived.

The day had started off well. The weather was good, the sun was shining, the coffee had come out perfect and his hair was well behaved. He had finished a big project, the music for a new camera commercial, and received great praise for it. He'd accepted his coworkers invitation to go to their favorite bar after work. He had spent the night in good company, not once thinking of deceptively soft lips or violet eyes and feather light touches or the crushing weight of heartbreak.

Slightly tipsy he grabbed his mail on the way to the elevator. He pushed seven and flipped through the envelopes. Nestled between a department store circular and his light bill was an envelope slightly more rectangular than the others. He frowned as he stepped out onto his floor. Once inside his apartment he dropped the rest of the mail on the table and pulled out the off-white envelope, just a bit heavier than the others.

His eyes widened as he scanned the return address for the name of the sender. He found himself sobering up as he tore open the envelope, pulling out the expensive paper. In perfect printed cursive, with just the right amount of swirls and flowers Cloud Strife found himself being invited to the wedding of Aerith Gaignsborough and Zackary Fair.

He reread the invitation over and over again until his vision was blurred by tears. _No, _He thought dropping the paper onto the floor.

_No._

It was inevitable, Cloud knew that.

Zack had cut short their arrangement ten years ago after all out of love for the then new flower girl and the two had been dating ever since. They'd dated through high school and college and the last he'd heard they'd moved in with each other so it was only a matter of time really. Cloud knew that. He was over it. He was _over_ Zack so why did it feel like he was being ripped into a million pieces _again_?

He wiped his eyes and walked over to the kitchen, filling a glass with water from the tap and downing it. He repeated this several times before he slammed the glass onto the counter, gripping the sides until his knuckles turned white.

That night sleep would evade him. He would lay in bed staring up at the ceiling and think about being fifteen. Being young and in love and happy, about giggling quietly as he lay on the floor, upper body propped up on his elbows as a young, much more serious than was customary Zack studied instructions on the laptop...

* * *

"_Why are you frowning?" he asked, reaching up to move the bangs out of Zacks face._

"_This...sex stuff just seems...so complicated." Zack said, closing the laptop. "I really want to get it right...but even just typing it into the search engine makes me feel stupid."_

_Cloud laughed, "I'm sure we'll figure it out."_

"_Are you sure...I mean, it'll probably hurt. Are you sure you're ready? That this is ok?"_

"_Of course," Cloud said, sitting up completely, "I wouldn't have brought it up if I wasn't."_

"_Is it ok...that it's me? It's your first time right?" Zack said, playing with the frayed edge of the blanket._

"_Who else would it be? I...I want it to be you." Cloud said quietly, 'I love you' he thought, but didn't say._

_Zack grinned then, all perfect teeth and sparkling violet eyes and Cloud thought it again, 'I love you'. _

_He thought it again and again and he almost said it outloud but he didn't. Instead he pressed a kiss to the others lips that he allowed the slightly older boy to quickly deepen..._

* * *

"_So uh, what do you think of Aerith?" Zack asked, dropping down onto one of the chairs in the Strife Residences back yard._

_Cloud narrowed his eyes behind dark sunglasses as he lay floating in the pool. "She seems nice." He knew this was coming. He'd seen the way the two looked at each other, the little touches they shared, the quiet smiles, the achingly sweet looks they gave each other when no one was looking_.

"_I...think I like her Cloud."_

_Cloud was prepared for it, had been expecting it all along but he still felt like a balloon that was slowly losing all its air. He could feel himself deflating. "Oh...well that's...nice. She's...nice."_

_Zack made a quiet noise of agreement._

_They hadn't touched since the first day she spoke to them._

"_Have you asked her out yet?" Cloud choked out._

"_Just today. We're going out Friday night."_

"_Good for you." Cloud said, not meaning to sound so mean._

_They sat quietly, Zack sitting in the shade on the patio while Cloud lay floating in the pool, on his back staring directly into the sun._

"_Say Cloud,"_

"_Hm?" the blonde asked, almost all his air was gone. He was just discarded flesh without elasticity floating in the pool like fallen leaves._

"_Are you...ok? Is it ok?"_

_Clouds heart broke into several pieces "Of course! I'm happy for you. What we were...doing was all in preparation for this right? S'not like we were dating or anything."_

_Zack's smile was genuine, "Yea, I know. I was just...making sure. You're approval means a lot to me Cloud. You mean a lot to me."_

_The pieces of Clouds heart rattled in his chest._

"_You're my best friend." Zack said._

"_Right back at ya," Cloud said, and the current of the pool pulled him away_.

* * *

_This is ridiculous Cloud_.

He would think to himself the next morning, staring at his tired reflection in the mirror.

_You're their best childhood friend. You will call them, you will congratulate them. _

_You will make up an excuse to not attend and send an expensive gift. _

_You will hold it together because you have moved on and you are happy_.

He would narrow his eyes at the unconvincing look that would flash across his reflection. The slight furrowing of the brow, the pathetic downturn of his lips. He would force his face into a neutral position, a quick smile, then back to neutral.

_You are happy._

* * *

**a|n: **  
HI! It's been so long since I've written a story. It feels really strange posting again, but exciting as well! I've wanted to get back into fic writing and can't sleep so I figured I'd polish up the little bit I was working on now and post.

I don't claim to be a wonderful, original, or creative writer but am only having fun and attempting to improve and become the best writer I'm capable of being. That being said, is this something that anyone would be interested in reading?

It's hard getting back into the swing of things, but I'm looking forward to it!


	2. swimming in grey

**disclaimer:  
**I own nothing. Nothing is mine.

[_recommended listening : 'Walk on the Moon' - Asobi Seksu_]

**one | swimming in grey**

Cloud sat in his living room, stiff and serious as if he were posing for his funeral picture. Both of his hands gripped his knees as he stared down with such intensity at his cell phone if he had any magical powers at all the device would have exploded. The cell phone lay on the stylish glass coffee table, the rectangular invitation beside it. Cloud took deep, measured breaths in an effort to get himself into an impenetrable state of calm. From an outsiders point of view he would appear cool and collected, but the grip on his knees was just a bit too tight and his heart hurled itself against his chest as if it were attempting to escape.

'_Oh come on,_' He thought, snatching up the device, '_It's a stupid phone call at 8:00 in the morning. You'll probably get the machine. Get this over with and let's move on with life.'_

He pushed Z and watched the one and only name in the category pop up. With one final deep, measured breath he hit the call button and pressed the phone to his ear. He closed his eyes, anticipation building with each ring. After the fourth ring his heart started to return to normal, knowing the chances of the other answering now were slim.

The sixth ring stopped half way, replaced with a cheerful, genuinely pleased sounding, "Cloud! Hello!"

Large blue eyes shot open with a force that could have sent them tumbling out of their sockets and he found himself unable to respond.

"...Cloud? You there?"

'_Come on,_' his mental voice scolded, "Uh...yea. Zack...hi."

There was a clear melodic laugh that, "Hey stranger, how've you been? It's been forever!"

Cloud found himself smiling at the sound of the others voice despite himself, a light blush coating his features. '_No, don't melt for him now,_' he thought, '_You are over your stupid school boy crush. You're a grown man!_'

"Ah, good good thanks. I...uhm...I got your invitation yesterday and-"

"Yes! I was gonna call this week about it actually. About time huh? It's only about a hundred years in the making." Zack said, laughing again.

Cloud returned the laughter awkwardly, "Yes. I'm so happy for you guys!" he exclaimed, cringing at how phony it sounded.

"Thanks man," Zack said, sounding so genuine it only made Cloud feel even guiltier, "You know, We always talk about how much we owe you. We hold you almost completely responsible for getting together. If it wasn't for you, who knows if we would have even met."

Cloud frowned, '_And I hate myself for it every day_.' he thought to himself.

"So, that's why...I was hoping I could ask you a favour."

"A...favour?" Cloud said, unable to keep the shock from his voice.

"Yea, I know. Like, what more could we ask of you right?" Zack said laughing, not knowing how true those words were to the blonde. "Well, we're having a hard time finding someone to put together the music. And...well music _is_ your business, and remember how you used to DJ all the school dances? You'd be perfect."

"I...I don't-I can't...Zack." was all the blonde could manage to verbalize. Was the other really asking this of him?

"I know I know, and it's really short notice but you'll be here for the wedding anyway right? Please!"

"Zack, I can't." he said, trying not to sound as desperate and pathetic as he felt.

"The truth is, we're really desperate! We can't find _anyone_ and Aerith is really stressing it. I'd really like to show her that I can have it under control you know? Come on Cloud! You've always had my back in the past! I'll pay you, I'll pay you whatever you want!"

"You can't afford me," the blonde choked out, running a hand through his hair.

Zack laughed, "But I will damn well do my best! Please Cloud! Think of it as your wedding present to us!"

All throughout high school Cloud had helped the other woo the girl. Had helped him plan dates and pick out presents and set up surprises. He had spent four years running his own happiness through a shredder in order to use it as confetti for Aerith's.

That was the real reason he had left Radiant Garden, to separate himself from that life and to begin one in which he would live for himself.

'_But is this even really living?_' he thought. Instead he said, "I'll think about it."

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Zack exclaimed, "Listen, I'm kind of in the middle of something at work so I will call you tomorrow! Sleep on it Cloudy! Bye!"

Cloud stared at his screen until it went black, sighing as he set it back down on the table, still in a semi-state of shock. The other had not even wondered why he was calling.

Cloud saw his reflection in the glass of the table, his brows were furrowed and his eyes showed the turmoil that was currently blazing inside of him.

"What the _hell_ did you get yourself into?" he said aloud.

* * *

"Wait wait wait wait wait wait, so let me get this straight. Your first love wants you to DJ his fucking _wedding_! What! On what planet is that okay to ask!"

Cloud frowned into his gin and tonic, "What makes you think he was my first love? First time maybe, but he was just a childhood friend..."

His blonde companion exchanged a look with the red-headed bartender.

"What? What was that?" Cloud exclaimed.

"What was what?" The bartender asked innocently, "Refill?"

"Don't play dumb Axel," Cloud said, "You and Roxas just clearly exchanged one of your infamous, stupid, telepathic looks of condescension."

The other blonde sighed, finishing off his own drink before leaning his chin in his hand, "Well...it's just. You talk about him _all_ the time when you get hammered Cloud. And the look on your face when you do, it's just...sad."

Cloud opened his mouth to protest but Roxas held up a hand. Despite being younger and smaller and all around less experienced in life he somehow had a way with making others shut up and listen.

"You loved him. You still love him and it's killing you. It's eating you from the inside out and it won't stop until you don't exist anymore."

Cloud didn't have anything to say to that. He looked at Axel for confirmation. The redhead gave him a very small smile and a shrug. Cloud sighed, picking up the glass and finished his drink with a grimace. "Refill. He said, tapping the rim. "And a shot."

The redhead nodded, heading to the other end of the bar to make the drink and tend other customers.

Club Heartless was a weekly haunt of Cloud and all his co-workers at the advertising agency. It was small and practically pitch black save the red lights shaped like candles that were placed in the center of all of the small round tables. Dim red lights were placed at the bottom of the bar so that Axel constantly looked like he had just floated up from the depths of hell. Despite its dark ambience it was actually a painfully normal bar. What had originally kept Cloud coming here was serving as the wingman to Roxas as he attempted to pretend he was not madly in love with the bar tender, but the two had gotten together ages ago so they simply stayed for the comfort. There was something about the familiar, the stable that comforted Cloud. Here the bartender knew him. He knew how he liked his drinks, and the tell tale signs that he was reaching his limit.

Roxas and Cloud sat at the bar in silence as Demyx, the house musician, set up for the night. So lost in his thoughts and conversation Cloud hadn't even noticed the other musicians playing a set, let alone finishing and packing up. But there was something about the silence of the lack of music that hung over the background noise of the bar chatter like an uninvited guest.

"What should I do?" he asked, his eyes flickering to Roxas and then to his hands on the bar. He didn't really expect an answer, but he just needed to say it out loud. He loved Zack. He couldn't deny that he had, in the past given the other all of him, but he had up until two nights ago thought that he was over it. '_I honestly believed I moved on..._' he thought, not knowing whether the urge he was fighting was to laugh or cry.

Axel came back with the drinks just as Roxas shrugged, looking sad and apologetic. "I'd say to hell with the bastard...but things are never that simple are they?"

Despite not being there for the conversation Axel gave his boyfriend a small smile, pouring him another beer.

Cloud nodded to himself and took his shot.

"So..uh, how was the new project received by the client?" Roxas asked, attempting to change the subject. A poor attempt Cloud was all too happy to accept.

"Surprisingly well. The commercial aired, today I believe. Strangest assignment I've had to date I think."

Roxas laughed, "Yea, I remember being confused. Like, _why_ does a camera need a jingle? I don't even want to know what lyrics Zexion came up with to go with it."

"You're right, you don't." Cloud said, laughing again. "It's so fun to watch him work. You'd never think a guy like that could come up with those catchy, happy couplets."

Cloud was grateful for the laugh they shared, which momentarily distracted him from the dull, rattling ache in his chest. There was the openings of a scale as the sound of Demyx tuning filled the bar and for just a moment things were as simple and normal as before. Cloud finished his drink and turned to focus on the stage.

* * *

"I'm taking a smoke break, come with me?"

Cloud looked up from his fourth drink, his vision only slightly hazy as they focused on Axel, "But I don't smoke."

Axel rolled his eyes, "Yea yea, but come get some fresh air,"

"I don't want air," Cloud said turning to face the stage again but was stopped by the redhead grabbing his elbow. "Plus the air can't be very fresh if you're tainting it with cigarette smoke."

Axel's eyebrow twitched, "Just come outside with me damnit. I want company, and I want to talk to you."

"Fine, fine..." Cloud said, standing up from the bar stool. "Woah," he exclaimed as his drinks caught up with him. The room was spinning slightly and he blinked hard several times to steady himself before following the redhead outside.

Axel leaned against the brick wall of the building, cupping a hand around the cigarette as he brought his light to it. He inhaled deeply and held the smoke in his chest, looking passively at Cloud before exhaling through his nose.

Cloud squatted beside him, picking up a piece of a fallen stick and absently tracing shapes into the dirt. The autumn night air was pleasant and cool against slightly clammy skin. He hadn't realized how hot it actually was inside of the bar.

"So, uh, how're things with Roxas?" Cloud asked, looking up.

Axel nodded, taking another drag, "Wonderful. Perfect."

"He's a good kid." Cloud said.

Axel nodded again, "How ya feelin?"

Cloud shrugged, "Not bad. A little tipsy, but the you were right, the fresh air is good."

"That's not what I meant," Axel said looking down at the blonde, a serious gleam that looked out of place in his jade green eyes.

Cloud smiled, "I know." He continued to drag the stick through the gravel and Axel didn't push it.

Axel finished his cigarette and lit another one, moving to sit down beside the blonde.

"I've been thinking about what Roxas said," Cloud said quietly. "About how real life is not simple. But...I don't know what I feel about that. Like in a way I agree, but in another way I don't."

Axel inhaled deeply, "Life not being simple, means your opinion on it can't be either right?"

Cloud laughed, "That's true I guess."

They settled into a comfortable silence again, Axel watching smoke from a buildings furnace in the distance inch across the sky. There were a few hazy clouds but it was pitch black. He'd never gotten used to the fact that no matter how hard you looked, in this city you could never see the stars.

"What I think is that, what people want most in life is closure." Axel said before Cloud could forget what they were talking about. "We want clear, definite endings with reasons and facts all wrapped up nice and neat like a novel, or a movie."

Cloud nodded, "But, that rarely happens does it? Things just end." he said, thinking of his own ending. Of lying in his pool and floating further and further away from Zack. Just like that, with the gentle ticking of the clock the two of them had went from one being sharing everything, to two separate entities with no connection to each other.

"Exactly." Axel said, putting his cigarette out in the ground, "In real life, closure is a luxury. Being able to fully comprehend what an ending means, understand it, and move on peacefully is a precious gift. And, I think that's what you're being offered right now, with this wedding. I think you owe it to yourself to take that chance."

Cloud did not know what to say to that and so he said nothing. They sat in silence for awhile before Axel checked his watch, gathered his cigarette butts and stood up. "I gotta get back to work, think about it ok?" he said, squeezing Clouds shoulder reassuringly before heading into the bar.

As Cloud walked home from the bar he couldn't deny that there was heaviness in his chest that he had not been aware of before, but he couldn't quite say it was new. Axel's words floated around his head,

'_Is that really what this is?_' Cloud thought, '_Not a continuation of bad luck, but a change in luck?'_

* * *

Three months later Cloud stood in his home office, gathering some sheet music from the printer of his computer and tucking them into his black carry on bag. On his way out the door he paused at the black Cassio keyboard, running his fingers absentmindedly over the keys. He played the first few notes of Wagner's _Bridal Chorus _and sighed deeply.

'What did I get myself into...' he thought for the millionth time since agreeing to go work at the wedding.

There was a honk, loud and long outside his window and he exited the office, walking through the living room to go to the large picture window that faced the street. An old black thunderbird was parked in his driveway, a shock of blonde spikes in the passenger seat was visible beside the blinding red of the top of Axel's head. Cloud stuck a hand out of his window in greeting, "Im coming down now!" he shouted down, before turning to grab his rolling suitcase and heading out the door.

With one last look at his apartment he shut the door behind him and locked it.

"How ya feeling?" Roxas asked, spinning around in his seat so that he was on his knees, leaning over the headrest, ocean blue eyes peering into Cloud's over the rim of his RayBans.

"You know, I've been getting that question from the two of you more times in the last three months than ever in my entire life before." Cloud said, smirking, "I'm fine. Don't worry. A little nervous but, that probably has more to do with playing piano publicly at the alleged happiest moment of someone's life than it does with reliving the sordid past of my lovelife."

Axel smiled at Cloud through the mirror, tugging on his boyfriends shirt causing Roxas to spin around and sit correctly in his seat once more. The drive to the airport was quiet and quick and Cloud found the car pulling into the lane for the Gummi Airlines terminal much sooner than he was prepared for. Axel attempted to pull up to the front but cursed, swerving to the left just in time to avoid the quick, unsignalled turn of a yellow taxi.

"What the fuck!" Axel yelled out his window, his two blond passengers clinging to their seatbelts desperately.

"Oh my god! He almost killed us!" Roxas exclaimed.

They pulled in behind the taxi, Axel practically jumping out the car to confront the taxi driver as Cloud and Roxas stumbled out, both grateful to be alive and desperate to stop any altercation before police could be involved. He had never been in one but Cloud was pretty sure a fist fight at the airport was a very bad idea.

"I got him," Roxas said, patting Cloud's shoulder, "Get your luggage so you don't miss your flight!"

Cloud paused, unsure as he watched the smaller blonde step in between the two arguing men. Just long enough to see the taxi's passenger exit. The man was tall, dressed in a pair of well fitted black jeans and a white t-shirt that clung attractively to the suggestion of a defined torso. Despite the January chill all he wore was an open leather jacket, tossed casually over the ensemble as if it were an afterthought. His straight brown hair reached down to his shoulders and his eyes were a cross between the color of the sky during a fog and steel and they bore into Cloud's in a way that was both alluring and frightening. A faded scar climbed across the bridge of his nose, doing little to mar the attractiveness of his features and Cloud could feel the heat rushing to his face. Their eyes remained locked as the brunette passed him. He raised an eyebrow at Cloud before turning and disappearing into the airport.

Cloud shook his head, bringing himself back into the real world and away from the attractive stranger.

'_How long has it been since someone has looked at you? How long as it been since you've looked at someone_?' he thought as he grabbed his luggage out of the trunk. '_Whatever. He's no Zack,_' At the mere thought of the others name he could feel his heartbeat speeding up, the doubts racing through his head.

'_What if I'm not ready, what if this is a huge mistake, what if it's all some big joke and Zack has told everyone about our past and they're all going to laugh at me and run me out of town?_'

He preferred it when he never thought of the others name, but he couldn't deny that despite his newfound weakness, he felt like he was on the cusp of some great power.

Right when his thoughts began to get irrational he found a pair of slim but deceptively strong arms wrapping around his torso in a reassuring hug.

"You're a good person Cloud. You're doing a good thing and only good can come of it." Roxas said, pulling away to smile at the older blonde. He pulled away and reopened the door to the old car, settling back into the passenger seat before the taxis could start to honk at them.

Axel waved, "Have a safe flight. Keep us posted ok?" he said.

Cloud smiled, feeling a bit reassured, although the knot in his stomach remained, "Will do." he said, giving the couple a small wave before heading into the airport.

* * *

**a|n:**  
yayy chapter one!  
this was a bit difficult to write because I just want to be past all the Cloud being angsty at home scenes and get to the fun stuff.  
I wonder who this mysterious stranger from the taxi cab can be? lol

thank you so much for reading, reviewing, and/or alerting the story after the prologue guys!  
I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint =D


	3. homecoming

[r_ecommended listening : 'To Be Alone With You' - Sufjan Stevens]_

**two | homecoming**

There was something about airport security that never failed to put Cloud in a bad mood. This paired with the nervousness and insecurity about his trip wound tightly around his stomach brought the blonde to the Starbucks line. _Just a little caffeine to calm my nerves...if the line isn't too long. _He thought to himself.

After situating himself in the back he looked up to gauge the line. Seeing that there were only three people ahead of him and the person currently ordering was paying he nodded, satisfied, before looking away, only to have his head snap right back up as he saw a shock of, not really familiar but newly recognizable, brown.

As the person paying stepped away the brunette stepped up. Cloud noticed the man carried a large black camera bag in addition to a small rolling suitcase. In the back of his mind, Cloud wondered if it was the new camera he had written the commercial jingle for. He found himself leaning forward unconsciously in an attempt to hear the other mans order, or at least what he sounded like.

He hadn't realized how far he was leaning until the woman in front of him cleared her throat and shifted a bit away. He blushed and smiled apologetically at her before leaning back into his own personal space. When he looked up again the man was gone. Cloud found himself looking around for him, frowning when he was nowhere to be found.

_Woah, where'd that come from? _Cloud thought, shaking his head slightly to clear his thoughts. The woman in front of him gave him a dirty look and shifted away even more but Cloud wasn't paying any attention to her. _So he's a little handsome...you gonna start stalking him now?_ he scolded himself.

He ordered the largest iced hazelnut coffee available, left it black and headed to his gate, settling into one of the seats facing the window to wait for boarding. He sat in the plush chair watching the crew prepare the plane for their departure and thought about the home he hadn't visited since graduating high school. He wondered how much had changed, who had left and who was still there, who lived in his childhood home now? Was his father still there alone or had he retired to Destiny Islands like he'd always talked about? Thoughts of his father inevitably brought him to thoughts of his mother and he felt a knot of guilt join the mess already twisting around his stomach. _I should probably visit her grave while I'm there_.

He hadn't visited his mother or made any effort to keep in contact with _any_ of his old group of friends in almost ten years. He thought about Yuffie and Tifa, Sora and Riku. Would they be at the wedding? Would they be happy to see him or would they feel slighted and shun him? _Will anyone even remember me?_ Cloud thought, wondering how his inner pep talk somehow ended up making his anxieties even worse. _No turning back now...what could possibly happen in one week?_

* * *

Cloud shuffled onto the plane with the other passengers, scanning the rows for the number that corresponded to the one on his ticket. He found it toward the middle of the plane and shared a small, friendly smile with the woman already in the window seat as he settled into his aisle seat. He buckled his seat belt and placed his carry on under the seat in front of him, settling back into the chair to wait for takeoff. He watched the other passengers board the surprisingly full flight.

There mostly seemed to be middle aged people on business, or young adults travelling alone. No one really looked to be on vacation or travelling for leisure. As he scanned the travel tired faces of his fellow passengers he wondered what their stories were, if anyone was travelling to the wedding of the person they loved the most.

Cloud found himself wondering about the man from the taxi and what he was travelling for. Cloud had to admit he was extremely good looking, if not exactly his type.

_I have a type?_ Cloud frowned, resting his elbow on the armrest and his chin in his hand. Thinking back, the few men he had been involved with all had very similar personalities. They were usually upbeat and outgoing, requiring lots of attention and affection. They made him laugh and treated him well but at the end of the day Cloud always found himself giving much more than he was receiving and breaking it off. _Maybe all my bad luck is because I always date the same type of guy? Maybe I should go for something new? _This brought his thoughts full circle and he found himself reliving the sensation of those intense, grey blue eyes locked onto his own.

So lost was Cloud in his own thoughts that he didn't notice the very man he was thinking of coming down the aisle, stopping right at his row to cram his black suitcase in the overhead compartment with one hand. The stranger raised his other hand to help push the suitcase in and the strap of his camera bag slipped from his shoulder to the crook of his elbow, the bag itself coming down to smack Cloud back into reality.

"Ow!" Cloud exclaimed, taking a moment to see what it was that had caused his head to jolt, his eyes widened as he looked up into the face of the very person he had just been thinking about. He was momentarily stunned, a light blush dusting his cheeks as he found himself feeling as if he had been caught in an embarrassing situation. Then as the other shifted his arms the camera hit him in the face again and he smacked it away, glaring up at the stranger shutting the cover of the overhead compartment.

The stranger looked down, feeling the jolt to his camera bag and snatched the bag up, unzipping the top to inspect the equipment inside. Satisfied that the camera was in fine condition he re-zipped the back and glared down at Cloud, "Do you usually manhandle strangers belongings?" he asked calmly, stepping over the others legs to take his seat in the middle.

"You hit me in the _face_ with your bag. _Twice_." Cloud said indignantly. "I was simply pushing it away to prevent a third time."

"Hm..." the stranger mumbled, placing the camera bag beneath the seat in front of him. "Whoops."

"Whoops?" Cloud exclaimed, "Whoops? Seriously?"

"Yes, it was clearly an accident. What else would you like me to say?" the other said emotionlessly.

Cloud could not believe his ears. "Sorry would be nice."

"Why?" the stranger asked, "_I_ didn't hit you in the face, it was my camera bag."

"So you apologize on behalf of your property!" Cloud exclaimed, infuriated by the others rudeness and stoicism.

"Wow," the stranger said, bringing his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose in a gesture of annoyance. "Sorry ok?"

Cloud laughed sardonically, a short, sharp sound that perfectly punctuated the extent of his fury.

"Apologize on behalf of my property..." the stranger mumbled, "Ridiculous."

Cloud turned angrily to comment but stopped as the flight attendants began their spiel about flight safety and emergency procedure, the one closest to them giving him a look of warning. Instead he gave the other the most angry and withering glare he could muster as the man expertly ignored him.

* * *

Cloud spent the entirety of the ascent into the air leaning back in his chair, eyes closed counting backwards from one hundred in an attempt to calm his temper. If he had to sit next to this man for the next four hours he might as well make it as painless for himself as possible.

Once he had calmed down enough to forget the man beside him he pulled out his carry on and lowered his tray. He placed the sheet music for the wedding over it and began making some basic notes on the page, seperating the bars even further into segments so that Zack and Aerith would have an easier time pinpointing exactly what they wanted him to play when.

He spent the flight studying the basic sheet music, knowing it would not be a challenge but wanting to know the songs inside out regardless. The wedding score was a simple, traditional (_Boring._ the cruel part of Cloud's mind thought) one filled with Wagner, and Bach. The wedding band would be made up of himself on piano, a violinist, and a harpist, whom Cloud would have to meet with before the wedding. He'd also have to get a playlist of songs they wanted at the reception and draw the couple up a bill. He didn't even want to think about what would happen if himself and the other musicians didn't play well together considering the wedding was less than a week away.

The blonde leaned back in his chair, shut his eyes tight and released a deep sigh. Hours had passed and he pulled his arms above his head to stretch his muscles. He brought his arms down to stretch in front of him, completely forgetting the cup of now half coffee, half melted ice sitting on the edge of his tray table. Before he could remember it he felt his forearm touch the cold plastic, the cup toppling off of the tray and right into the lap of the man beside him.

The stranger made a surprised noise as the cold liquid made contact with his lap. He jumped up slightly as Cloud's jaw dropped, the commotion startling the woman in the window seat and drawing the attention of the people in the row next to them.

Cloud was mortified, his eyes enlarging to the size of small moons mirroring the comically large 'O' of his mouth.

"What the hell?" the stranger exclaimed, torn between reacting to the momentary shock of the ice cold liquid or the comical horror of the blonde perpetrator.

"Oh my God!" Cloud exclaimed, grabbing the napkin from his tray and attempting to dry of the stranger, "I'm so so sorry! It was an accident!"

The stranger jumped even more at the feel of the other attempting to pat dry his lap, a light pink dusting his cheeks as he leaned well into the personal space of the woman in the window seat, giving the blonde an incredulous look. "Nothing about this situation is appropriate." He said in a deadpan voice.

The blond looked confused for a moment before his eyes defied the physical laws of the universe and got even bigger as they lowered to his now still hand, resting in the crotch of his neighbor. His face turned bright red and pulled his hand out of the others lap with so much force it almost smacked the flight attendant who was coming to check on the commotion.

She stepped back, eyebrows climbing steadily into her bangs as she surveyed the scene. "I'll...go get some napkins." she said, disappearing and swiftly returning. "The seatbelt sign is on and we'll be descending soon but I suppose I can allow you to make your way to the restroom."

"Thank you." The stranger said blankly, before turning to Cloud who was attempting to will himself out of existence. "Excuse me."

Realizing that he needed to get up to allow the stranger to go to the bathroom his face got even redder as he jumped up and out of the way before slumping back in his own chair, banging his head repeatedly against the tray table, hoping to knock himself out.

"Uhm...sir," the flight attentand nervously tapped his shoulder, "We're in descent so...you have to raise your tray."

* * *

Cloud stood at the large picture window in his hotel room, overlooking the brightly lit city. He had still been recovering from his mortifiying experience in the taxi and thus hadn't really taken in his surroundings. In the distance he could see the old castle surrounded by mountains, and the very tops of billboards and apartment buildings. He could just make out the high school and Scrooges old ice cream shop (_I wonder if he's still in business,_ he thought.), the mall and the attatched movie theatre. There were some new buildings as well, and a highway he didn't recognize. It had been ten years since he was last here and while it was familiar, it was extremely different as well. Even without him here to see it time had carried the town forward.

Cloud moved away from the window and began to unpack, letting his mind settle into nostalgia. Radiant Garden had never really felt like a place he belonged, but he couldn't deny the connection he had to it. He had had some rough times here, family trouble, homophobic bullies, the general awful experience of passing from childhood to adolescence, and lots of things had changed, but the one constant was always Zack.

At the end of middle school Cloud's mother had been diagnosed with cancer and begun slowly dying. Things were so tense and sad at home, being able to escape into normalcy with Zack was the highlight of his life. Zack with his positivity and optimism was like a wonderful vacation.

Cloud finished unpacking and sat on the bed. He reclined onto the comfortable bedding and contemplated the fact of having a 'type' as he had been on the plane. All the men he had dated, while being drastically different in appearance had all had the same characteristics of being a sort of vacation from the mundane routine of his normal life. They were playful optimists, never too interested in him or his life or capable of being too serious or involved. They had their fun and continued on, like a short reprieve from the inevitable solitude of life. That's was how Cloud liked it, that's how Cloud wanted it, or at least that's what he had always thought.

But really, contemplating that made him really sad. Vacations always came to an end and then...what?

He found himself falling into a placid, dreamless sleep that he only knew had happened when he found himself waking up to the sound of his ringtone. He sat up, rubbing his eyes as he brought the device before them. It was a number not in his contact list and he hit the green button, bringing it to his ear.

"Hello?" he said groggily.

"Cloud! Haha Hi! It's so good to talk to you again!"

The blondes eyes shot open as he recognized the unmistakable, melodic voice of Aerith Gaignsborough.

"Cloud? Are you there?"

The blonde nodded stiffly before he remembered she couldn't see him and cleared his throat. "Uhm, yea...sorry I'm a bit groggy." he said, running a hand through his hair.

"It's been so long! I'm so happy you're here. We always talk about you. We really missed you all these years!" she said with a small laugh.

She was sweet and genuine and just talking to her made Cloud feel guilty, like a horrible person even though he had done nothing wrong, really. _Yes, just remained in love with her soon to be husband and ignored everyone for 10 years,_ he thought frowning. Cloud paused in his self deprication to tune back into the conversation just in time to hear,

"So have you eaten dinner yet?"

"What? uh, no...why?" he asked.

"Why don't you come over! I'm in the middle of cooking and I thought it would be a wonderful way for us to catch up."

Cloud's mind began to work double time trying to think of a way to get out of it. The last thing he wanted to do right now was sit at a table with the happy couple and make small talk about the past. "Uhm...I don't know. I wouldn't want to intrude. It's already so late," he said, looking at his watch and rolling his eyes at his lame response. _Stupid!_ he thought, catching his reflection in the mirror.

"Oh nonsense! Dinner will be ready in an hour and I just _know_ that Zack would love to see you."

Cloud felt his heart jump at this and he shut his eyes tightly, cursing himself.

"So, let's say 7? See you at 7 Cloud! Bye~" She said, giggling as she hung up the phone.

Cloud stared at his cellphone until the screen went dark. He looked up to the mirror across from the bed, glaring at his reflection.

"You're pathetic." he said aloud.

The only response he received was a loud rumble from his stomach.

* * *

Cloud rode sat in the back of the taxi with a knot in his empty stomach. The town of his childhood passed in a blur as he dreaded the eventual stopping of the car, which came much too soon. He sat in the taxi, leaning against the soft, worn leather of the seats and took in the home.

It was a modest, two story, fairly new, brick house that looked much like the other houses surrounding it. It was white with blue shutters and the thing that set it apart from it's neighbors was the extensive, clearly well cared for garden that made up the front lawn. Parked in the driveway was a large black Land Rover and beside it a pink Volvo. It wasn't hard to tell which car belonged to which person and Cloud almost laughed at the predictability of it all.

_So things worked out just as everyone thought they always would huh?_ Cloud thought with a sad smile. Zack and Aerith got their house with a garden and his and hers cars and soon, their happily ever after. Cloud felt pathetic for even thinking it, but he couldn't help but wonder what about him?

Directly ahead of the taxi was another car, a black Acura, clearly a rental. _They have another guest?_ he thought, curious.

"Uh, sir?"

Cloud caught the cab drivers gaze in the mirror and laughed nervously. "Oh, sorry, what do I owe you?"

"Ten Fifty." The driver said, looking at himi suspiciously. "You ok?"

Cloud smiled and handed the driver the money before exiting the vehicle and walking up a well maintained cobble stone walkway to the front door. The whole thing was so cute and fairy tale perfect Cloud wanted to throw up. He wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans, noticing that they were shaking as he raised a finger to the doorbell.

He hesitated briefly before taking a deep breath and pushing the doorbell, hearing the muffled chime through the door. He caught his reflection in the mirror, running a hand through his hair in a vein attempt to tame his spikes before crossing his arms over his chest. That felt unnatural so he let them hang at his sides instead. That too felt unnatural so he put them in his pockets front pockets. He was pulling them out of his pockets to put behind his back when the door opened and he momentarily forgot how to breathe. Time seemed to stop as a smiling Zack pushed open the screen door.

He looked almost exactly the same as he did the day Cloud left ten years ago, maybe more handsome if that was possible. His black hair was shorter but his eyes were just as vibrant. He was wearing a pair of black jeans and a navy blue v-neck shirt that clung attractively to his well maintained body.

"Cloud!" he exclaimed gathering the smaller blonde in one of his famous, crushing embraces.

When he pulled away Cloud felt time start again. His breath returned to him with the color that rushed to his face and he found a smile on his face despite himself. He took the other in, not knowing what to say to the man who was once his best friend, who he had once loved more than anything else, who he hadn't seen in ten years.

"Hi." he finally managed, not bothering to supress his goofy grin.

"How _are_ you? Oh man has it been ten years? You look the same! No, no you look better!" Zack exclaimed clapping the other hard on the back, "Cloud Strife! I can't believe it."

"You too..." Cloud said, "It's good to be back."

"It's good to have you back," he said.

The two stood in silence for a moment, looking at each other. Cloud's heart stopped for the second time in less than ten minutes as the other man ran his violet eyes over him, an open honest affection in them that brought Cloud back to being fifteen, newly in love and _happy_.

It was in that moment that it really hit Cloud. He'd known it all along, Axel had known it, Roxas had known it, but he was conciously aware of it for the first time in that moment. _I never got over you._ he thought, _I love you._

"Ugh, sorry I can't believe I still have you out on the porch! Come in!" Zack exclaimed, breaking the spell. He stepped aside to give Cloud room to step through the doorway.

Cloud didn't know what to make of these feelings. What was he supposed to do with them? Zack had made his choice years ago and was on the cusp of happiness. Who was Cloud to complicate that for him now? _How can I move on?_ the blonde asked himself, feeling like his insides were being stirred around like stew. He couldn't help but feel that coming here was not a great idea.

"Let me get you a beer!" Zack exclaimed, heading towards what Cloud presumed to be the kitchen, "You still drink Blue Moon?"

Cloud felt his stomach leap at the others memory of such an insignifigant fact, "Yeah." he managed, "Where's Aerith?" he added, trying to appear excited. On the walls and shelves were photographs, mostly of Zack and Aerith and their family and friends.

"Ah, she's upstairs showing her cousin some of the wedding stuff or whatever." Zack said returning with two open beers. He handed one to Cloud, "Her cousins a photographer and just happened to be free this week so we really lucked out." he said smiling.

"Hmm," Cloud said, taking a sip of his chilled beer.

Zack walked over to the stairs, "Aerith!" he called up, "Cloud's here!"

There was the sound of feet pounding on the ground above them and Cloud raised an eyebrow at the raven haired man who simply smirked into his beer.

"Cloud!" Aerith exclaimed, running down the steps. She was wearing a long cotton pink dress with a red cardigan over it, her brown hair, still long, pulled back into a ponytail. She threw her arms around the blondes neck. "I can't believe it!"

Cloud found himself genuinely smiling. He couldn't help but like Aerith. They shared a love that made Cloud feel as if he understood her character better than anyone. It wasn't her fault that the man she loved happened to love her back.

Cloud returned her embrace and pulled away, eyes settling on her face. "You haven't aged a day." he said.

She giggled and slapped his arm, "Oh stop that." she scolded playfully, "We all know the best looking one here is _you_. Zack and I are getting old but I think you're aging _backwards_!"

Cloud laughed as Zack made an indignant squawk, sounding like a chocobo that just had it's tail pulled.

"Oh! Where's my cousin?" she said looking towards the stairs, "I'll introduce you two and then we'll eat!"

Cloud nodded, "Sounds good."

"Squall! Come meet Cloud!" she called up.

Cloud's eyes widened as the man named Squall appeared at the head of the stairs. He recognized the long brown hair, the ice and stone gaze, the scar running diagonally over the bridge of his nose. He was wearing different clothes but it was unmistakeable.

"It's _Leon_." the brunette said, descending the stairs. His gaze rested on the blonde. He remained calm but one brown eyebrow rose slightly up like the last syllable of a question.

"It's you."/"You!" The two men said in unison.

Aerith and Zack looked from one guest to the other and then at each other in confusion.

"Do you two know each other?" Aerith asked.

Clouds jaw dropped even further as Leon's lips curled into the slightest hint of a smirk.

_What the hell! _the blonde thought desperately, _Why? !_

* * *

**a|n:  
**this only took me forever and a day to complete!  
I had a bit of writers block, but I think I'm ok from here on out~  
please forgive any mistakes. I literally JUST finished the chapter, took a 5 minute break and then went in to edit so I'm sure I've overlooked some mistakes ^^;

I've just recently finished planning out the story and according to my outline it's clocking in at about 5 chapters plus an epilogue...  
let's see if I can stick to that lol. I was thinking of possibly doing an interlude chapter of Leon's interpretation of him and Cloud's first meeting...but we'll see. Would anyone be interested in reading that?

Also, look at this nifty new review box right inside of the chapter! _::shameless::_


	4. before we fall

[_recommended listening : 'Everything is Wrong' - Blonde Redhead _]

**three | before we fall**

"Do you guys know each other?" Aerith asked incredulously, looking from her cousin to Cloud and back, as if she was trying to find the answers written on their faces. Leon poker face was perfectly in place, the only sign of anything off being the slight quirk of his right eyebrow. Cloud's face however was a mess of emotions-surprise horror, embarrassment, disbelief. Aerith found herself intrigued, if not very, very confused.

Leon opened his mouth to speak but as if sensing danger Cloud cut him off, "We were on the same plane."

"He spilled coffee in my lap."

"You smacked me in the face with your camera bag!" the blonde countered.

Leon folded his arms over his chest and attempted to hold back a smirk, "So it was intentional?"

"Of course not!" Cloud exclaimed

"Then why bring it up?" he asked,

"Because you made it seem like I was the only one...at fault." Halfway through his sentence Cloud realized how ridiculous his words sounded. In order to avoid the risk of sounding even more stupid he decided to just not say anything else and just glare. But as his eyes settled on Leon's somehow smug yet unaffected face he relived the moment in his mind, the sensation of the cold coffee soaking into the cloth of the others pants, his hands in the others lap. A new wave of embarrassment washed over him and threatened to drag him out to the sea of mortification.

Aerith directed her gaze to Zack, who shrugged looking just as lost as she did.

"Right...Well I'm going to go set the table while you guys get acquainted...or reacquainted or...yea." she said, wringing her hands awkwardly before turning and retreating to the safety of the kitchen.

Cloud desperately wanted to join her but knew that wasn't an option.

"Alright. Well Cloud this is Leon, Aerith's cousin. Leon this is Cloud, my oldest friend." Zack said motioning between the two, "Something tells me your previous introduction wasn't exactly proper so I figured I'd give you guys a round two."

Leon blinked at a beet red Cloud.

"Nice to meet you," the blonde mumbled unconvincingly.

"Likewise." Leon said blankly.

* * *

Dinner was a modest but impressive affair, and Cloud couldn't deny that everything on his plate looked delicious. He wasn't aware of just how hungry he was until he sat at the table. Sitting at the two heads of the small table were Aerith and Zack, with Cloud and Leon on opposite sides of the small square table.

"Looks good Aer!" Zack exclaimed, beaming at his fiancee with a look nothing short of adoration and Cloud couldn't help the tug at his heart.

She returned the loving look, blushing lightly as she thanked him for the compliment. Even after the seemingly customary exchange had been completed the two continued to gaze at each other, smiling softly.

Cloud tried to keep his face neutral as he transferred his frustrations towards attempting to stab all of the life out of his broccoli. _How can they still act so lovey after being together for so long? _ He looked up from his plate to find Leon's grey blue eyes locked on him. He couldn't read the others expression but he felt his stomach flip nonetheless. _That's strange._ He thought looking away.

"So Cloud, tell us! What've you been up to in the ten years since you've left us?" Aerith asked, pulling her gaze from Zack to rest on the blonde. "I don't think we've seen each other since you left to college!"

Cloud tried to smile, but could only make his mouth twitch slightly. "Nothing really. I graduated obviously. I work as a composer for Shinra Advertising most days, free lance musical director the rest."

"You live in Traverse Town right?" Aerith asked.

Cloud nodded.

"Alone?" Zack asked, "Or is there someone special?"

Cloud felt his stomach flip again and he wondered how he was supposed to keep any food down if this kept up. "N-no, no one special."

"So someone un-special then?" Aerith joked, winking at the blonde.

"No, nothing like that. I'm alone." Cloud frowned, wishing he had worded that in a way that sounded a bit less pathetic and depressing. "But it's great. What have you guys been up to?" he asked, half out of interest and half to deflect the attention away from himself.

"Well I work for the Radiant Garden Police Department, and Aerith's just opened up her own flower shop, which is definitely thriving."

"I'll be making more money than Zack soon definitely." Aerith joked and Cloud laughed goodnaturedly.

"And what do you do?" Cloud asked to distract himself from the mental image of Zack in his uniform. He chanced a look at the man across from him and found their eyes locking once again. He hadn't said a word all evening after introductions and had only moved to move food from his plate to his mouth occasionally. The intensity of the others gaze sent an involuntary shiver up his spine.

"Photography." the brunette said simply, "free lance."

"Right in Traverse Town as well, I'm amazed you two never ran into one another!" Aerith exclaimed.

Leon shrugged, "The world is a large place."

_Clearly not large enough_. Cloud thought, turning his attention from conversation to eating.

Cloud managed to get through the rest of the dinner with minimal input, relying entirely on noises of agreement, well placed question sounds, and laughter. Zack recounted their exploits as bored, trouble making children and Aerith roared with laughter although she must have heard these stories a million times before.

Cloud tried to ignore the way their hands were clasped in front of them, over the table and how Zack was gently stroking the back of Aerith's small, pale hand with the back of his thumb. He tried to ignore the loving looks, the private jokes, the funny stories and happy memories the two seemed to have an endless supply of. Cloud tried to be unaware of the happy, loving, aura that filled the dining room by the two of them just being there at the same time. Their bond was something that had been cultivated carefully with the same gentle loving care that Aerith showed her flowers.

By the time everyone had finished eating dinner and dessert and Aerith was clearing the table (vehemently denying his help) Cloud felt like he had successfully maintained his poker face, even though he could feel the pieces of his broken heart rattle within him whenever he moved.

Leon, who had barely said a word during dinner got up to help his cousin, despite her protests, while Zack lay back in his chair, eyes shut tight, a goofy grin on his face.

"Wasn't that amazing? God Aer is a good cook." He said, rolling his head back in satisfaction. "I could fall asleep right here."

Cloud opened his mouth to say something but made the mistake of looking at the other man. The small, contented smile on his face and the soft fluttering of his shut lids made him look even more attractive than before. With his eyes closed like that he could almost pass for the Zack preserved in all of Cloud's memories.

_I wonder what would happen if I reached out and_...

Cloud shook his head, clearing it and grounding himself in the real world. He heard a soft snore and his eyes focused on Zack once again.

"Zack?" Cloud said softly but he received no response. The other man had his head leaning against the back of the high back chair, eyes closed, breath filtering evenly in and out of his slightly open mouth. _He can't seriously be sleeping!_ Cloud thought.

He reached out a finger to gently touch the others shoulder, as soon as his fingertip connected with the others shoulder he felt a surge of _something_ rush through his arm straight into his abdomen where it bounced off of the walls of his stomach like a pinball. Zack however remained peaceful and still, seemingly undisturbed.

The kitchen door opened to reveal Aerith and Leon who looked questioningly at the two men sitting at the dinner table.

"He...fell asleep?" Aerith asked, with slight disbelief, slight amusement.

"Food coma?" Cloud offered, remembering how Zack used to fall straight asleep after his mother prepared any sort of large meal. Cloud had always thought it was the other mans way of getting out of doing dishes.

Aerith laughed as she shook Zack's shoulder, "Wake up honey," she said but the man did not budge.

Cloud stood, "I should get going. It's getting pretty late anyway."

"Hm, Zack doesn't look like he's waking up anytime soon." Aerith said, 'tsktsktsk'ing as she put her hands on her hips, "Just what am I going to do with you?" she asked the sleeping Zack, bringing one hand to gently brush some stray hairs from his face.

"Thank you for having me," Cloud said, wanting to be out of the house as soon as possible. He could feel Leon's eyes on him now and he attempted to casually move a hand over his mouth to make sure there was no left over food there.

"Oh of course, anytime." Aerith said smiling, "Did you rent a car?"

Cloud shook his head, "I'll just get a taxi."

"A taxi? At this time? I don't think so." Aerith said.

"I'm sure there will be _something_." Cloud said, praying she wouldn't ask him to spend the night or anything.

"Nonsense. Leon rented a car, Leon can drive you."

"What?" the two men exclaimed at the same time.

"What?" Aerith parroted, not seeing what was so shocking about it, "It's not like you have anything to do and we can't let Cloud _walk_ all the way to his hotel can we?"

Leon mumbled something under his breath but gave no further protest.

"No, seriously Aerith it's fine. I still know this city well and I'm sure I can find a taxi. I wouldn't want to be a burden already and-"

"Shush!" Aerith exclaimed walking over to give the blonde a hug, "Now I know its been forever but not long enough for you to forget how stubborn I am. It was wonderful seeing you again. Have a good night."

She pat the blondes cheek and pulled away before he had a chance to even respond to the hug.

Leon sighed deeply and went into the kitchen, coming out with keys and a black leather jacket. "Come on," he said as he passed Cloud.

Moments later Cloud found himself sitting in the front seat of the black Acura, buttoning his seatbelt and staring at Aerith's cheerful waving form from the doorway in disbelief. _For someone so sweet her powers of manipulation are seriously scary_.

* * *

Aerith waited until the car was out of sight before she shut the door, humming softly to herself as she went back into the dining room. She sat on the table and leaned back onto her arms, "You can stop pretending now love, they're gone." she said trying to sound annoyed but unable to hide the amusement from her voice.

One blue green eye shot open accompanied by a dazzling smile that still made her weak in the knees, even if more often than not it spelled trouble.

"So are you going to tell me what that was about?" Aerith asked.

Zack stood, stretching his hands above his head, "Just...testing a hunch."

"Testing a hunch?" Aerith repeated, one eyebrow raised. "Are you going to elaborate on that?"

Zack grinned even wider, "Nope," He exclaimed before scooping her up into his arms bridal style, "Now let's go to bed!"

* * *

The car was so silent Cloud found himself hyper aware of his own breathing, his heartbeat, the pinging of the pingpong ball in his stomach. He wondered if he was too loud, if the completely silent other could hear the cacophony of sounds happening within him. He chanced a look at the driver, stormy eyes locked on the road, face illuminated by the streetlights.

Cloud could not deny that the man was handsome and perhaps, if they had met in different circumstances he would have found himself falling for him. But thoughts like that, 'if only' thoughts were nothing but masochism Cloud was starting to realize. He found himself somewhat ashamed of how the other intrigued him when he was still so in love with Zack. _Are my feelings that fickle?_

Cloud shook his head violently as if attempting to physically remove the thoughts from his head, _Stupid. Just because I can appreciate attractiveness doesn't make me interested in the guy_.

Leon watched the blonde in his peripheral vision, intrigued by the internal struggle he seemed to constantly be locked in. Their eyes met and Cloud looked away too quickly to be inconspicuous. If Leon was anyone else he would have laughed out loud, but he was himself and so he simply said, "So, where exactly am I going?"

"Oh, um, you just take the I90 to the 7th exit and it's a straight run on Twilight Road."

Leon nodded and the car was silent once again.

Cloud felt as if he were going crazy from the sound of his own body so he broke the silence, "I'm...really sorry about your pants by the way."

Leon chanced a look away from the road to give the blonde a strange once-over before turning his attention back forward, "You should be. They're ruined."

The blonde frowned _What kind of response is that?_ he thought. No matter how pretty Leon was his personality totally _sucked_.

Cloud gave up on conversation and rested his head against the window, watching the street lights zoom past the car in little bursts. The sky was clear and he could faintly see the stars dotting the sky, the view broken every now and then by a tree or a billboard and for the first time since getting the invitation weeks earlier he felt content.

"So,"

Cloud was half asleep when the brunette finally attempted to break the silence. He turned slightly, fixing Leon with a curious stare. They had driven over the freeway in complete silence and were turning onto Twilight Road.

"What was up back at dinner?"

"What do you mean?" Cloud asked, cursing his heart that suddenly seemed to be thumping into a megaphone.

"You looked like someone was ripping off your fingernails one by one."

Cloud's eyes widened as his mind worked double time attempting to come up with an answer or excuse, anything to counter his dying fish expression.

"Are you in love with my cousin?" Leon asked frankly.

"What?" Cloud sputtered, "Of course not! How could you-No!"

"Zack then?"

A series of words attempted to form but died shortly after reaching his lips, creating a series of distressed, unconvincing sounds.

At that moment the car reached a red light and stopped, Leon turning to look at Cloud impassively. Their eyes locked, the blonde looking like an animal cornered and Leon knew he shouldn't provoke the other anymore but this was _very_ interesting.

The look on Cloud's face changed from desperation to fury and he broke eye contact, turning to sharply gaze straight ahead, "Screw you okay? It's none of your damned business and whatever you're thinking you're _wrong_!" he exclaimed.

Leon stayed looking at him and Cloud tried not to squirm under the soul stripping gaze as he silently fumed. The spell was broken however as a car honked loudly behind them and Leon looked back to the road and continued on.

The car had barely stopped in front of the hotel when Cloud was unbuttoning his seatbelt and shoving the door open, "Thanks for the ride" he said, sounding the exact opposite of thankful and slammed the door before the other could reply.

Leon watched the blonde practically run into the hotel as if he were fleeing from something. He caught his reflection in the mirror and quickly worked to remove the dumbfounded expression from his face. _What the hell just happened?_ he thought.

He looked back at the hotel and allowed himself one bitter laugh before hitting the gaze and flooring the car away.

* * *

That night Cloud dreamed of being sixteen. Of being young and naive and innocent and in love, so hopelessly, stupidly, happily in love. He dreamt of Scrooge's Ice Cream bar where he sat waiting, patiently for Zack exactly a year from the day they first became intimate. He drank his sea salt smoothie happily, feeling the knot that had settled into his stomach gently unwind. Things had been a bit distant between them but now they had to get better. It was their anniversary and Zack wanted to meet at their favorite hang out and Cloud felt giddy. There was a light, silvery haze to the place that gave the event a dream like feel and even though dream Cloud felt giddy and excited he couldn't help but know that this had happened, that this was a dream and a memory and all together not real.

Behind the counter was Leon, with his stormy eyes. He cleared the empty smoothy and replaced it with another, asking incoherent questions about love before turning the spinning stool of the blonde around to face the door.

The bells of the ice cream parlor rang cheerily, signaling a new customer and there he was. Zack in all his glory, arm thrown around the shoulders of a beautiful dark haired, green eyed girl. Zack looked around, eyes resting on Cloud's and lighting up as he made his way forward.

"Cloud, this is Aerith," he said quietly, the dream dragging it out as if someone were manually turning a record. He had his arm still firmly around the girl as if he were struggling to bind her to him, to keep them one.

Just as dream Cloud felt his heart break, real Cloud's eyes shot open.

The sun had not yet rose on Radiant Garden and as he sat, sweaty and shaking in his hotel bed the sensation of his first heartbreak had not left him. He wondered how many times had his heart broken since then? How many more breaks did it have left?

Cloud ran a hand through his sleep tousled hair and wondered why he had dreamt _that_ of all dreams that night.

* * *

**a|n**:

finally the Cloud/Leon interaction can begin lol.  
I'm trying to update regularly and although there isn't really a set pattern to my updates, I think I'm doing ok (at least compared to the _old_ me lol

next chapter is going to be a pretty short one, but it's going to be important, so I'm going to see if I can get it done within a few days.

as usual, thank you _so_ much for reading, I hope you enjoyed yourself even a little bit.

and I promise, from here on out, it's going to get a liiitle less angsty lol

If you are so inclined there is a nifty little review box riiiight down here, if not, I hope to see you next chapter :)

have a lovely weekend everyone!


	5. this is not a love song

[_recommended listening : 'Lovelier Girl' - Beach House_]

**four | this is not a love song**

After waking from his dream Cloud rolled over in an attempt to go back to bed. He lay there, eyes shut for a few moments before resigning to the fact that his day had started. He sat up, looking over the clock radio to see it was a little after 7.

Cloud got up and walked over to the bathroom to splash water on his face. As he brushed his teeth he thought about the night before. He had realized finally that he indeed was still in love with Zack. Zack who was getting married. Zack who had become off limits to him what felt like ages ago. The feeling of seeing Zack with Aerith in the dream made itself a home in his stomach.

Cloud stared hard at his reflection trying to see if there was anything out of the ordinary. As far as he could tell his face was the same. He tried a smile but felt stupid and quickly returned his face to neutral. He tried a frown too but that didn't feel right either. More often than not lately his face felt like it was something he'd borrowed and forgotten to return.

He thought about Aerith's cousin and cringed. He couldn't ignore the stab of guilt that accompanied the memory of his reaction but the other had touched a little too close to home, especially for a stranger. Especially for a stranger so close to Aerith and Zack.

_What if he says something to them?!_

Clouds eyes widened as he gripped the edge of the sink. _No...no he wouldn't. He has no proof. You cant make an accusation like that without proof. _Cloud took one last look at himself in the mirror and attempted to get his expression under control.

The fact that Leon, a stranger had been able to pick up on his secret showed just how obvious he was. He had to stop. So what if he still loved Zack? The man was getting married at the end of the week to someone that he considered a friend. Cloud had a feeling that even before he himself knew it that Zack was aware that if at any moment he had come to Cloud with the desire to be with him the blonde would have him without question. And he _didn't_ come.

_He won't come. Ever._ Cloud thought, narrowing his eyes at his reflection, _So get over it. No more. You are a mature, successful adult. You will give your best to this wedding and then you will go home and put into perspective the type of life you want_.

Satisfied with his pep talk he left the bathroom. He changed into a pair of sweats and t-shirt and grabbed a towel, deciding to kill a few hours at the hotel gym. On the treadmill he thought about everything he needed to do. He still had to meet the other musicians and practice, rent the DJ equipment, and secure a tux. He could knock out the second and third task today, and call Aerith to get the contact information for the rest of the band. There were five days until the wedding and although Cloud was confident in his own ability to work with others, learn quickly, and play well, he knew absolutely nothing about the others.

Deciding he was done with thinking Cloud cleared his mind, pushing his body close to the limit.

Two hours later he returned, sweaty yet satisfied, in the best mood he'd been in all month. He took a quick shower and ordered room service. He dressed in a simple pair of dark, slim cut jeans and a navy blue, short sleeve v-neck. While at the gym the maid had made his bed and Cloud sat on the fresh sheets, booting up his laptop to search for the address to an old music store he had liked to frequent as a teenager that he knew rented equipment as well.

Finding that it was still open he smiled fondly and wrote the address down on a pad of paper on the nightstand. He checked his email and replied to a few work inquiries. There was an email from Roxas giving him the basics of what had been happening in his absence (the same things that had been happening when he was there) and a picture of Axel standing behind the bar cleaning a glass directly in front of an empty bar stool that Roxas and Demyx were sitting on either side of. The three of them were giving the empty space identically exaggerated forlorn frowns and Cloud could imagine Zexion rolling his eyes behind the camera. Below the picture read "Wish you were here!" and Cloud laughed, feeling a sudden sense of fondness for his friends.

He shut down his laptop and rose to answer the door. He turned the T.V to the news and peacefully at his breakfast. Halfway through his meal his phone beeped from it's place charging on the night stand. Reaching over Cloud pushed a button and brought his phone to life. A red envelope signaled that he had a text message with _Zack _written in bold letters above it.

_Hey Cloud! Great seeing u yesterday =D  
Sorry about falling asleep! U don't have a tux yet right?_

_Meet me at Godmothers Garments at 787 Bastion Street at 3 and we'll fix u up k?_

_C u soon!_

Cloud ignored the re-energized pinball in his stomach as he put his phone back down onto the nightstand. This was logic. He needed a tuxedo, Zack knew what type of tuxedo he would want Cloud, as an employee, to wear. They would meet not even as friends but as clients. _Well. This'll definitely be a perfect way to test your resolve_ the more self deprecating part of Cloud's mind thought bitterly.

* * *

Cloud left the music store feeling accomplished, having booked the necessary equipment for the reception. He had been surprised that the same seemingly ancient old man who had manned the store in his youth was still not only alive but working. Once he met with Zack half his list of things to prepare for the wedding would be complete.

Cloud walked briskly looking at the doors of all the shops to find the correct one. There were so many shops packed tightly together that he was worried he would completely miss it, and he definitely would have if it wasn't for the giant obnoxious blue and pink sign that read _Godmothers Garments_ above a tiny, slim, nondescript door nestled inconspicuously between two shops. _The signs bigger than the store I bet..._he thought before taking a deep breath and entering.

A series of bells rang as he entered the dimly lit shop. Although the sign outside was ostentatious the shop itself was small and homey, with well worn couches atop a fuzzy, camel colored carpet. There were currently three people in the shop, Zack sitting on one of the couches, an older, slightly plump woman with a mouth full of pins fussing over Leon, who was currently standing on a round black platform looking uncomfortable and annoyed in a tuxedo as the woman fussed over him. They all turned to look at him as he entered and the woman attempted to greet him although her words were muffled by the pins in her mouth.

"Cloud! Hey, how are you!" Zack exclaimed, getting up to give his friend a hug. "Once Leon's done we'll do you, then maybe we can all get dinner or something?"

Cloud nodded, moving to sit beside the other on the couch. He made sure to keep a distance between them, hands resting awkwardly on his knees as Zack, oblivious chattered away. Cloud found his attention not on Zack however, but focused on Leon's back. He tried not to frown as he thought about what happened in the car last night.

_He definitely knows,_ Cloud thought, _But what is he going to do about that? _

Zack's phone rang and he stopped mid-story to look at the caller ID, he held the phone up to Cloud and Cloud saw a picture of Aerith smiling sweetly at the camera. Where her name should have been was just three hearts.

"Gotta take this," he said standing and walking over to the door.

Cloud leaned back against the couch and looked at Leon's black clad back didn't seem like the type to spread rumours or participate in gossip, but then again, Cloud didn't know him at all. _Plus, Aerith's his cousin._ Cloud thought, _What if some sense of familial loyalty causes him to act out of character or something? What if he's already said something?!_

The old woman said something and Cloud found himself looking no longer at the other mans back, but directly into his face. He didn't seem angry, or judgmental or even mocking. He looked at Cloud like he was trying to figure something out. Cloud could almost see the gears turning in his head as he returned the others stare. Cloud felt the pinball in his stomach recharge itself and release, wildly bouncing off his inner walls. He wrote it off as nervousness as he stared back into the others eyes searching for some clue that he had given him away. Some smugness or disgust, but there was something else in the others eyes. Something he couldn't name, and just like that it was gone, the brunette turning once more so the woman could continue to fiddle with the tuxedo.

"All right, all finished! You can go get changed." the woman exclaimed, patting Leon on the bottom before turning to Cloud, "Stand up." she said, her voice was low pitched but musical and she had clear blue eyes that seemed to scan him like security beams.

Cloud obeyed, snapping to his feet as Leon disappeared into the back. She circled him once before turning to a rack of clothes a few feet away, shuffling through and producing an identical tuxedo to the one Leon had previously had on. "Change into this," she said, before retreating behind the counter to write some things in a book. "What're are you waiting for?" she exclaimed when Cloud hesitated.

The blonde quickly made his way to the back, tuxedo thrust into his hand, just as Leon was opening the curtain and leaving, "Careful," he mumbled as he passed by, "She's handsy." and then he was gone, the thick brown curtain fluttering closed behind him.

Cloud stood in the middle of the dressing room, a bit awestruck that those were the only words the brunette had bestowed on him. '_Maybe he isn't going to say anything after all_.' He thought, quickly changing, figuring the sooner he got dressed and out there, the sooner this would all be over.

* * *

As it turned out, the tuxedo fit Cloud all wrong in nearly every single possible way. For the next hour Cloud got to find out just how "handsy" the seamstress was. Zack and Leon sat on the couch, Zack snickering every time the woman's hand lingered for just a bit too long on Cloud's chest, or backside. Cloud glared at them, eyes locking with a smirking Leon's and he felt his stomach leap. '_What is with me lately_?' he thought, looking away and making it a point to not look at the brunette again for the remainder of his groping session.

When it was finally over he retreated to the curtained section of the shop, removing the suit as carefully as possible to not disturb the pinned sections she had been unable to tailor on his body. He had just stepped into his jeans and was buttoning them when the curtain opened to reveal Zack, who hung his tuxedo on a peg and immediately removed his shirt.

Cloud allowed himself one gratuitous once over of the others well sculpted chest before turning away, cheeks flushed, heartbeat thundering in his chest like a teenage girls. "W-what are you doing!?" he exclaimed.

Zack raised an eyebrow, "Changing?"

"Y-yea but I'm not done!" Cloud exclaimed.

Zack snorted, "So? There's only one changing room, plus it's not like there are any surprises under there," Zack said, his own violet eyes flickering towards the blonde's unbuttoned jeans.

Cloud's blush intensified, his eyes widening simultaneously as Zack's as the dark haired man realized how the statement could be misconstrued.

"I mean, we're both guys!" It was Zack's turn to blush.

"Y-yea, of course." Cloud said, the two men turning simultaneously away from each other. Cloud pulled his shirt on and quickly rushed out of the changing area.

Zack sighed, leaning his forehead against the wall and looking sideways at his reflection in the mirror. He didn't mean to be so stupid, especially when his stupidity's effects on the blonde were so cruel.

Cloud sat in the seat beside Leon with such force the other gave him a questioning look. Cloud ignored him, instead choosing to stare straight ahead.

"You alright there?" the brunette asked, something similar to amusement clinging to the tips of his words.

"Yes." Cloud said shortly without looking at the brunette.

"Cloud," the brunette said.

Cloud turned to him, feeling a stirring in his stomach at the sound of the other saying his name, he frowned inwardly at the feeling. "Yes." he said quietly.

"Your shirt is inside out."

Cloud looked down at his definitely inside out shirt and frowned, turning back towards where it was Zack's turn to be sexually harassed by the seamstress. "I like it this way."

Leon smirked inwardly, "Really?"

"Yes."

"You have strange tastes." Leon said, there was something about his tone that caused Cloud to turn to him. Something extra but the brunette had his eyes straight ahead again and the conversation settled into what Cloud would classify as the most awkward silence of his life.

* * *

By the time Zack was finished with the seamstress the sun had already set and the moon was slightly visible against the sparse, cottony clouds. The three men exited the shop, Zack yawning and stretching his arms above his head.

"I can't believe that took so long," he said.

Cloud made a small noise of agreement and Leon simply remained silent.

"What do you say we get dinner?" Zack asked, shoving his hands in his pockets, "Remember that old barbecue place we used to go to?"

Cloud smiled, remembering the old Barbecue place that had once served as a hangout for his friends. The food had always been great and it wasn't until food was mentioned that his body reminded him that he hadn't eaten since breakfast. "Sounds good," Cloud said.

"What about you Leon? That ok?" Zack asked, turning to the brunette.

Leon shrugged, his hands hanging loosely in his pockets, "Whatever."

Zack beamed at Cloud, "Let's go! We're parked right over there," he said, pointing ahead and beginning to walk in the direction.

Zack walked ahead with Cloud and Leon side by side on the narrow sidewalk. Cloud chanced a look in Leon's direction, catching the other in profile as he stared straight ahead. With his long brown hair, stormy fog blue eyes, and strong jaw it was undeniable that he was attractive, although Cloud couldn't help but notice the differences between him and Zack.

While Zack was friendly, animated, optimistic, and fun Leon seemed more calm, quiet, and thoughtful. While Zack was the epitome of all the men Cloud had ever dated, he couldn't help but notice that Leon was more like him. _If we had met under different circumstances, would we have been friends?_' Cloud thought, turning away sharply as the brunette felt eyes on him and turned. Cloud felt the others eyes on him for just a moment too long before they reached the car and Leon pushed the unlock button on the keys, walking around to the drivers side.

"Front seat or back?" Zack asked,

"Back's fine," Cloud said, sliding in. From the backseat he indulged himself in watching the two men as Zack gave the brunette directions. Leon made a thoughtful face and nodded, the two buckling their seat belts and the car pulling out of the parking space. He felt a strange contentment sitting in the car with the two of them, a warm comfort that made him feel like he could easily fall asleep back here. Zack had always made him feel that way, but he didn't know Leon at all and had never really been comfortable with strangers. Plus, their meetings hadn't exactly been the most pleasant and comfortable.

Cloud sat up straighter, shaking himself awake. _Being back in Radiant Garden is definitely messing with me_. He thought, turning to look out the window. They arrived at the Seventh Heaven, parking in the restaurants lot and walking to the restaurants door, Zack leading the way. He walked over to the hostess to give them their party number.

Leon and Cloud hovered awkwardly by the door, the blonde debating on whether he should walk over to Zack or stay back here with Leon. He decided to stay in the waiting area, sitting on one of the large leather couches lining the wall. Leon leaned against the wall, arms folded across his chest.

"Uhm, the food is really good here, from what I remember." Cloud offered.

The brunette looked down at him with that curious, searching look he had worn earlier, as if he was trying to figure the blonde out. Cloud tried not to squirm under the gaze as the brunette continued to watch him without comment.

Cloud took a deep breath, "Listen," he started, "About last night, I'm so-"

"Don't worry about it." Leon said, "I was out of line. It's none of my business and I shouldn't have pried."

_That's definitely true_. Cloud thought, but he couldn't shake the guilty feeling.

"Still, I'd like to apologize." Cloud said, "I feel like we started off on the wrong foot, and considering we're going to be seeing a lot of each other this week, I'd rather us get along."

Leon nodded, "Fair enough," he said quietly before leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes. Cloud smiled inwardly, feeling lighter than he had in a long time and the two settled into a comfortable silence. Cloud wondered how much of it was from Leon, and how much he owed to the fact that he was about to eat dinner with Zack. Sure, it wouldn't be the same, but he couldn't help but feel a pleasant pang of nostalgia.

Zack walked over to them, plopping down on the couch beside Cloud, "10 minute wait," he said folding one leg so that his calf rested on his thigh and leaning his arms against the back of the couch. "Oh man, when was the last time we were here together?" Zack asked turning to the blonde.

Cloud grinned, thinking back, "I think it was senior year of High School." he said, earning a shocked hiss from Zack. Cloud tried to imagine that last time, realizing the decor hadn't really changed much at all. The lighting was still dim, the tables still wooden rectangles, the old black vents above the table grills mixing with the sound of sizzling meat and the loud chatter of guests making the restaurant noisy and lively, "I think Tifa just started to work here. We played the Soju Question game to try and get Riku and Sora to admit to their relationship and it took three bottles."

Zack burst into laughter, "Oh man I remember that! After a bottle and a half you and Aerith did nothing but speak in The Smiths lyrics for the rest of the night."

The two reminiscing boys laughed together, and Cloud felt good, like he was already drunk just on the others presence. On his laugh and their memories and the fulfilled, safe feeling he got sitting next to him. It was like being a teenager and being so sure of everything and himself and his feelings. He was starting to wonder why he'd left Radiant Garden behind.

Zack's phone rang and Cloud deliberately looked away so as to not even accidentally get a glimpse of who was calling him.

"Sorry guys, gotta take this." He said, shooting Cloud and Leon an apologetic smile before getting up, answering the phone as he exited the noisy restaurant.

Cloud tried not to sigh out loud as he leaned back against the couch, mentally preparing for what would probably come next. He looked up curiously as he felt the couch beside him shift, Leon lowering himself into the now occupied seat.

"I know I agreed it's none of my business," Leon said quietly, eyes straight ahead, "But if it's supposed to be a secret, you might want to be a little more secretive."

"W-what?"

The brunette turned to him, stormy eyes locking onto him in a way that made him feel giddy and frightened simultaneously, "Your distaste is showing." he said simply, turning back to survey the restaurant as if he hadn't said anything at all.

Before Cloud could respond the door to the restaurant opened again, revealing an apologetic looking Zack.

"Sorry guys, but I have to go. I'm...not exactly sure why but I think someone broke up with someone and now the seating charts have imploded and Aerith is having something similar to a meltdown." he said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Mind if I raincheck the BBQ?"

Cloud shrugged, not trusting his voice to reply.

He felt so stupid, getting so excited over a meal with Zack like he was a stupid teenager finally getting to spend time with his crush. His heart settled into his stomach and made itself a home there as he mentally chastised himself.

"You can take the car back, I'll get a cab." Leon said, handing Zack the keys.

The darker haired man beamed, grabbing the keys and saluting the two of them before practically running out of the restaurant.

Cloud looked at the brunette incredulously.

"Still have to eat right? I don't know about you but I'm starved." he said.

Cloud blinked at him.

"Unless you'd rather not eat with just me?"

"N-no that's not it." Cloud exclaimed, suddenly realizing just how much he _didn't_ feel like being alone at this moment. In the past when Zack had run off to Aerith Cloud had been left down by the wayside, disappointed and overwhelmingly lonely.

Leon nodded, "Let me go tell the hostess there's been a change in our party."

* * *

A few minutes later the two men found themselves sitting across from each other at one of the small wooden tables. The hostess removed the cover off of the grill and set to menus in front of them.

"Soju please," Cloud asked without even opening the menu, the hostess nodding and hurrying away. "And keep them coming!" he called after her.

Leon raised an eyebrow at the blonde.

"Oh don't judge me," the blonde scowled, opening his menu with more violence than was probably necessary

Leon held back a smirk as he followed suit. After a few moments of silence it became apparent that rather than actually reading his menu the blonde was simply staring at it and brooding. His eyes glassed over and he frowned at the plastic pages as if decided between set A and B was breaking his heart.

"Set B looks good for two people." Leon said finally.

"Hm?" Cloud asked, the others voice yanking him from his thoughts, "Oh. Yea. Sure."

"Cloud Strife! Is that you?" rang out across the restaurant, causing the Cloud, Leon, and several other of the shops inhabitants to look at up at the familiar busty brunette currently making her way over to them.

"Tifa." Cloud said softly, smiling as his disappointment with Zack faded away and was replaced with genuine pleasure at seeing the woman, who had been his closest friend and confidante throughout high school.

She laughed once she got to the table, "I knew it was you!" she exclaimed, hugging the blonde who had half rose to meet her standing figure, "You're in big trouble for not telling me you were coming! _And_ for not visiting me for ten years!" she exclaimed, half joking.

Cloud laughed, "How are you Tiff?" he asked affectionately, "Still working here? Seriously?" he joked.

"Ha ha ha," she mock laughed, "I own it." she said proudly.

"Really? That's awesome Tifa, congratulations."

Tifa winked at him, "And how about you? I hear you're doing big things over in Traverse town from Zack. You're hear for the wedding right?"

Cloud frowned at hearing that the other man had been talking about him. They had only recently started speaking sparingly, so how could he know that he was doing "big things"? This change in mood went unnoticed by Tifa however, who had just noticed Leon.

She smoother her hair nervously, smiling awkwardly between the two of them, "Oh, I'm so rude _excuse me_," she said to Leon, "I'm Tifa." she put out a hand.

Leon took it, "Leon."

"Oh! You're Aerith's cousin right?"

Leon nodded.

She looked between the two of them, a mischievous glint in her eye, "Well. Don't let me interrupt," she said, turning to Cloud "We have to catch up when you're free mister. And nice meeting you Leon."

"Definitely," Cloud said, wondering where the waitress was with their liquor.

"Eat up! It's on me tonight," She said. Cloud was about to protest when she placed a hand on his shoulder, leaning forward in away that was supposed to be secretive and conspiratorial but Leon could still hear every word. "I think it's great that you're dating. Honestly, hearing about the wedding I was a bit worried, but with such a great catch you are _clearly_ doing fine for yourself. Good for you!" she said, patting him on the back and disappearing in the chaos that was the restaurant.

"W-what?! We're not-" Cloud began, but she was already long gone. He felt his face heat up as he looked toward Leon, who was suddenly very interested in the menu.

The waitress returned, placing the bottle and two small shot like glasses beside them. "Have we decided?" she asked.

"Set B." Leon said, and the waitress smiled, nodding as she took the menus away.

When she was away, Cloud quickly broke the seal on the bottle, twisted the top off and poured both his and Leon's glasses to the brim.

"You don't have to drive so you're drinking too." Cloud stated, twisting the cap on the bottle.

Leon had no qualms but raised an eyebrow anyway, "And why do I have to drink as well?"

"Because drinking alone is depressing."

"Drinking when you're depressed is depressing." the brunette countered.

"I'm not depressed. I'm angry."

"Why're you angry?" Leon asked.

Cloud scowled, grabbing his drink and tossing it back before placing the empty glass down on the table with a grimace.

Leon watched the blonde for a moment but when he saw that the other was content glaring into his empty cup Leon took his own shot, gingerly placing the empty cup down next to the others.

Cloud chanced a glance at the others impassive face, not even the strong, bitter alcohol bringing a new expression to it. The brunette seemed to only have the ability to look either bored or smug and it was half annoying, half attractive. Cloud sighed, wishing he could be so guarded instead of wearing his feelings on his face like a flashing neon sign.

Cloud looked up at the brunette again just as Leon looked at him and their eyes met. The dim lighting of the restaurant was doing a great job at highlighting the others stormy, searching gaze and he blamed to red spreading across his face on the alcohol. He felt like he was totally on display in front of the stranger and in a way it was relieving, but incredibly uncomfortable.

This time Leon was the first to look away, grabbing the bottle and refilling their glasses. He had deceptively long eyelashes for his otherwise masculine face and the dim lighting cast their shadows on his sharp cheekbones.

"What's your story?" Cloud blurted.

Leon finished pouring, taking great care in placing the cap back on the bottle before he looked at the blonde. "What's _your_ story?"

The blonde frowned, "I asked you first."

"Yes, but I've been asking you questions since last night and you haven't answered any of them." Leon said, using his glass to push the blondes towards him.

Cloud scowled at the other and lifted his glass, the two men downing the liquid at the same time.

Tifa returned with their platter instead of the waitress, setting it down in front of the two men. It was twice the size of the one they had ordered and Cloud looked up at the woman, half impressed, half horrified.

"This is _not_ what we ordered Tiff."

"I said it was on me didn't I? Normal people take advantage of offers like that." she said, eyeing the pretty much empty Soju bottle "Plus if you're going to be drinking how it looks like you're going to be drinking you're going to need some food in your stomach."

From her apron pocket she pulled another bottle of the liquor and placed it on the table, taking the opened bottle and pouring the last of it into the two glasses before placing it in her apron pocket. She winked at the two men before leaving to attend to other customers.

Cloud sighed, shaking his head. "I hope you're hungry. Have you ever had barbecue before?" he asked, grabbing the tongs and beginning to lay the meat on the grill.

"A few times, in college." Leon said, "Clearly it's been awhile."

"Clearly?" Cloud snorted, "Okay old man. How old are you anyway?"

Leon raised his glass to his mouth and an eyebrow simultaneously. "How old are you?" he asked once he had finished his drink.

Cloud shook his head, "I asked you first."

Leon shrugged, grabbing the second pair of tons and using it to direct his focus to the meat.

Cloud felt a smile coming on but suppressed it, taking his drink instead. It was when he set the empty glass down that he remembered the question game.

Cloud grinned at the other, feeling the gentle heat of the alcohol making it's way down his chest.

Leon swallowed, as he caught sight of the others grin. Sensing he might not like what was going to come next.

"Okay Leon, Let's play a game." he said, resting his tongs down on the table.

"What kind of game?" Leon asked, looking at the blonde suspiciously.

Cloud's grin widened as he grabbed the new bottle, gingerly pouring two new shots. "It's a very simple 'getting to know you' type of thing." Cloud said, setting the bottle down beside the two newly filled glasses. "The point of the game is honesty. I ask you a question, you ask me a question. If you feel you can not, or do not want to answer a question honestly, you take a shot and it's passed."

Leon considered this for a moment as he turned the meat over, "Ok," He said looking at the blonde challengingly, "I'll play. You start."

Cloud smiled, smugly, picking up his tongues and checking the meat. Deeming it done he distributed it evenly between the two of them before picking up a piece of lettuce. "How old are you?"

Leon scoffed, "Twenty Eight." he said folding up his own wrap, "How old are you?"

Cloud rolled his eyes, "Twenty-Seven. Why did you agree to be the wedding photographer?" he asked, popping his own wrap into his mouth.

"I owed the couple a favor." Leon said, "Are you seriously in love with Zack?"

Cloud nearly choked on his wrap, pounding his chest as he managed to get it down. He glared at the brunette and took his shot. He refilled his glass and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes, until the burn of the alcohol had passed to a pleasant warmth in his stomach. "What makes you think I'm in love with Zack?"

Leon placed new meat on the grill, "It's written all over your face. You brighten up when he's near and when he leaves you wither. When he's loving to my cousin you look like you're being violently pulled from all directions. He's like the sun and you're like a sunflower damned to hell."

Cloud blinked at the brunette who stared challengingly at him.

"Am I wrong?" Leon asked.

Cloud frowned and took another shot. He grimaced into the empty glass, "You play dirty." he said, "Why are you so hellbent on finding out whether or not I'm in love with Zack?"

Leon paused, tongs poised over the meat. He cleared his throat and finished his glass, refilling it and returning his attention to the grill all without looking directly at the grill, "What does a music director actually do?"

_Interesting_ Cloud thought pulling a finished piece of meat from the grill, "I make most of my money composing for commercials. But basically I work on movies and TV shows deciding what songs fit certain scenes, a little producing, arranging, things like that. What do you usually photograph?"

Leon scowled at the blonde, taking another shot.

"Seriously? It's that touchy a subject?" Cloud asked with a laugh.

"It's my turn," Leon said glaring.

Cloud laughed again, the alcohol and food in his stomach left him feeling pleasant and content. He could feel his hold on his secrets loosening up and he hummed softly to himself. "Be my guest," he said, refilling Leon's glass and motioning to a passing waitress for another.

Leon paused for a moment, staring intently at the blonde. Cloud gulped feeling as if he was under the microscope again. Leon smirked and Cloud felt his heart drop into his stomach.

"Do you find me attractive?" Leon asked.

Cloud coughed, dropping his tongs onto the grill, cursing he grabbed his chopsticks, using the metal part to nudge the tongs off of the burning grill. He glared at the other, choosing to take his shot instead of answering. He had lost track of how much he had drank, but he was pretty sure most of the two consumed bottles had been him. His head was swimming and so he took another piece of meat, wrapped it in lettuce and ate it, chewing it briefly before swallowing and grabbing another. _What kind of out of nowhere question is that_? Cloud thought giving the smug looking brunette a dirty look.

Cloud waited until Leon opened a new bottle and was filling his glass before countering with his own question. "Do _you_ find _me_ attractive?"

"Yes." the brunette said without skipping a beat, filling the blonde glass almost to the brim and setting the bottle down beside it.

"W-what?" the blonde asked

"I find you attractive. I'm not saying I'm going to join the sunflowers of the damned club but I find you interesting and visually appealing." Leon countered, "That was your second question by the way."

"N-no!" Cloud exclaimed, "That's not fair." His heart was thundering in his chest and the ping pong ball was out of control in his stomach. The room was spinning and the man with two expressions had just admitted to finding him attractive and he was still extremely in love with Zack, so why was it effecting him this way?

"So why are you angry?" Leon asked.

"I'm not angry," Cloud stated.

"Fine why _were _you angry and not depressed, about Zack running out."

"That's your second question." Cloud said, his clipped tone slightly slurred.

"Whatever." Leon mumbled.

Cloud signed, running his fingers across the rim of the cup, "I guess...I just feel like Zack has the tendency to throw everything down for Aerith without thinking and it's a bit annoying."

"Hm." Leon said, eyes boring holes into Cloud again.

"So what do you usually take pictures of, really?" Cloud asked after an awkward moment of silently trying to avoid the others eyes in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Leon scowled, and mumbled something.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Cloud asked smugly.

For someone so seemingly cold his glare was pure fire. "Pets."

"Pets?" Cloud choked out.

"I'm freelance, but I make most of my money through pet photography."

Cloud burst into laughter at the image of the man with two expressions directing Fluffy and Spot into aesthetically pleasing poses.

Leon rolled his eyes, "Yea yea, whatever. It's surprisingly lucrative."

This only caused Cloud to laugh harder.

Once he had himself under control Leon asked, "In your professional opinion, if you had to put a song to this moment, what would it be?"

Cloud looked thoughtfully, at the remains of their meal before lifting his eyes to meet Leon's.

"Nouvelle Vague." he said finally, "_This is not a Love Song_." and took his shot.

Leon smirked raising his own glass, "Cheers to that."

* * *

**a|n:**  
I'm so sorry how long this chapter took to come out. I've been writing it since posting chapter 3, but then my life imploded on itself and the writing just was. not. happening. But I think I'm somewhere back into the groove of things...possibly. Hopefully.  
I had fun writing this, even if it's not that great.

The game Leon and Cloud play by the way? Totally a staple in 90% of my relationships lol  
It's genius because you can avoid answering awkward questions with alcohol, but then by the end of the night the alcohol makes you more willing to answer those questions anyway lol But, you know. Drink responsibly and all that jazz.

To the guest reviewer who complimented my music selections, and everyone else who reviewed, thank you!

Again, there's a nifty little review box right down there if you're so inclined, if not, hope to see you next chapter!


	6. Fall Apart

**|attention|  
**hello lovely darlings. I am interrupting here to let you know what a giant FAIL I am.  
I somehow managed to post the last chapter _without_ the last 5 pages of the chapter.  
Of course I didn't realize this until you've all read & reviewed so I figured instead of adding it where you probably won't see it or having it stand alone as a measly 5 page chapter I'd just add it to the beginning of this chapter. Eventually I'll go back and put it where it belongs, but for now, it will be here throwing off our mojo *headdesk*

sorry guys~  
thanks for bearing with me!

[_recommended listening : 'This is Not a Love Song' - Nouvelle Vague_ ]

**chapter 4 continuation**

After their fourth bottle the men abandoned the question game, sitting content to simply eat in a comfortable silence, occasionally sharing comments.

"You know," Cloud said slowly to keep control over his speech and not slur his words in his drunken state, "You're not a bad guy."

Leon raised an eyebrow at the blonde questioningly.

"When I first met you, at the airport, I thought you were suuuuuuuch an asshole," Cloud said, shutting his eyes tight as he emphasized the "such". "But, you're good to me."

Leon cleared his throat, pouring himself another shot, "How am I 'good to you'?"

Cloud was quiet for a moment, momentarily distracted by the sounds of the last of the meat and vegetables sizzling on the grill. The vent above them wheezed air to keep the smoke out of their eyes and the whole thing sounded like something out of some post apocalyptic industrial musical. _Hm_ Cloud thought tilting his head as he played with some meat on the grill, _Note to self, write post apocalyptic musical._

"Cloud," Leon tried again.

"Hm?" Cloud said looking up, remembering he was in a conversation. "Oh. Wait. What are we talking about?"

Leon laughed aloud, something he definitely wouldn't have allowed himself sober. "How am I good to you?"

Cloud frowned thoughtfully, "Hmm, I don't know. You listen to me I guess. You make me feel like I can be honest."

Leon blinked at him, Cloud blinked back.

"Wait...what?" Cloud asked, "Where did that come from?"

Leon made a noise, of disbelief or amusement, or agreement or some combination of all three.

"Do I think that?" Cloud asked sincerely, as if Leon would have the answer to that.

"I don't know,"

"Hm," Cloud replied.

After a moment of silence Cloud looked up at Leon again. "Why are you nice to me?" he asked, leaning his chin on his hand, "You don't know me and you don't owe me anything but sometimes when you look at me it feels...important."

Leon cleared his throat, "I think you're drunk."

"I think _you're_ drunk." Cloud said, leaning forward, eyes locking on the brunettes. They stayed like that, staring seriously for a moment before Cloud grinned, leaning back. "I think I'm drunk too."

Leon looked at his watch, and let out a low whistle. They both had to be at a wedding rehearsal at 9 am and it was already 3:30 AM. "We should get going."

Cloud nodded haltingly, the alcohol making him feel sleepy and fluid. The two men stood up, the alcohol rushing throughout their bodies. They both took a moment to steady themselves, catching each others eyes. Cloud burst into laughter and Leon chuckled, reaching out an arm to steady himself.

"Careful now Leon," Cloud said, wrapping an arm around the other's waist as if he was the one that needed help. "That first step will kill you."

Leon shook his head, looking down at the other fondly. "I'm fine Cloud."

"Are you sure? I'll help you." the blonde asked, looking up at him with such seriousness that Leon had to suppress another laugh. He lifted his arm to gently push Cloud's arm away.

In the morning he would reassure himself that it was the alcohol in his system that had caused him to run his hand down Cloud's arm, grabbing his hand instead of breaking contact.

"Let's help each other." he said giving Cloud's hand a squeeze.

The blonde nodded. Smiling, he swung their hands a bit as they walked towards the door.

Leon cursed as they stood out on the empty sidewalk, not a car in sight. _For a city Radiant Garden sure does shut down early_. The brunette thought frowning. "I really don't think we're gonna catch a taxi out here so late." he said, "Do you have any numbers?"

Cloud shook his head, "Nope,"

"Great..." Leon said, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

There was a moment of silence between the two men, the only noise was the humming of the florescent street lamps and the distant chirping of crickets.

"The hotel isn't that far away..." Cloud said, "We could be there in twenty minutes walking and then have the concierge call you a taxi?"

"That's...actually a good idea." Leon said. Cloud beamed and Leon decided that he really liked drunk Cloud. The blonde was more free and, he'd never dream of saying this to the other mans face, but adorable as well. (In the morning Leon will chalk that last thought to being drunk as well) He was less prickly, less edgy, less...sad. He wondered if there was a way to restore Cloud to a happy median between his current jaded sober personality and his drunken one. After all, alcohol didn't create things, but simply shined a spotlight on hidden truths right?

Neither let go of the other's hand as they began the walk to the hotel, strolling along the uneven sidewalk as if it was early twilight and not nearly 4am. Once or twice a car passed them but other than that it was almost as if the entire city had went to sleep and it was just the two of them stumbling home.

"What's your favorite song Leon?" Cloud asked.

Leon thought, "I...don't have one."

"Your favorite musician?"

Leon shook his head.

"Your favorite genre?"

"Music is not really something I'm all that interested in. If I'm driving and feel like it I'll listen to classical radio, but really it's just the news or nothing."

Cloud gaped at him, "I really...can't imagine that."

Leon shrugged, "It's not that I dislike music. I'm just not that interested in it."

Cloud hissed and placed his free hand over his heart, "Oh man that hurts."

Leon smirked bumping the blonde lightly with his shoulder.

Cloud scowled in mock annoyance and returned the bump.

"Maybe..." Leon began, faltering a bit. He felt ridiculous, a light blush (that he would also blame on the alcohol) dusting his cheeks, "If you want...if you recommended something I might...like it."

Cloud nodded vigorously, "Ohhh I'm totally making you a mix cd."

"A mix CD? Seriously?" Leon asked

Cloud scrunched his features, bumping the blonde a bit harder than the first time, "Hey don't mock. It's kind of old school but it's fun." he said, "Once I made Zack this really awful..." he trailed off as he thought about the raven haired man.

He suddenly felt like the color had drained from the scenery. The lucid, calm feeling was gone, replaced with a lump in his throat and a weight on his heart. The last mix CD he had made for Zack was a little after they had begun whatever it is their arrangement could be called.

Leon definitely hadn't missed the sudden change in the others mood after he mentioned the others name. It was like a turtle retreating back into its shell. But Cloud hadn't let go of his hand or pulled away so he chanced a look at the others face. He frowned seeing the intense, thoughtful sadness was there.

Usually it was just his eyes that seemed to be a million miles away but maybe it was the alcohol or the suddenness with which the feelings hit him but the mask was gone and the blondes whole face seemed to be drooping. His attractive features seemed to be under the strain of some heavy weight and Leon felt his heart constrict. He felt like he should do or say something to comfort the blonde or take him away from his thoughts but he was never any good with emotions. He gave the blonde's hand a gentle squeeze to remind him that he was there.

"The song I'd always most associated with Zack was _Lovesong_ by The Cure." he said after a tense silence, looking straight ahead. "Back then I thought it was so fitting, I was such a stupid, sentimental little kid." He looked down to his shoes for a brief moment before returning his gaze straight ahead, eyes seeming to be looking not at the empty, tree lined road but decades into the past. "The funny thing is the lyrics are still applicable today...although the meaning is a little different. We used to debate about that song a lot. Zack said it was supposed to be a calm, mellow reflection of the singers love, but I always thought that it sounded a bit sad." He laughed bitterly.

Leon felt like Edward Scissorhands just punched him in the chest.

"Do you know it?" Cloud asked turning to him.

Leon cautiously shook his head, not wanting to say or do anything to make the blonde run away like last time.

The blonde made a thoughtful noise before very softly he half sang a bit of it. "_Whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel like I am free again. Whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel like I am clean again..._" the blonde trailed off humming. "_However far away I will always love you, however long I stay I will always love you..." _

The blonde gave another harsh, acidic laugh, "So stupid," he said quietly, his voice cracking with the strain of unshed tears. He pulled his hand out of Leon's and shoved them into his pockets. He walked a bit ahead of the brunette, focusing completely on not falling apart. _Didn't just this morning you swear to get over this?_ Cloud asked himself _Have you always been this weak?_

While the blonde was berating himself Leon walked behind him, staring at the others back with a frown. There was a dull aching in his chest and he felt a surge of irrational anger welling up in his chest towards his cousin's fiancee.

When they reached the hotel Cloud kept walking. Leon grabbed the top of his arm, applying enough pressure to get the others attention without being painful. Cloud blinked and turned to him questioningly.

"We're here." Leon said.

Cloud turned, looking up at the tall building, "That we are." he said. They stood there on the sidewalk for a moment longer than neccessary. Cloud was looking up at the building with the same faraway look in his eyes that he generally wore. It made Leon so curious as to where the blonde really was. He really couldn't figure Cloud out at all and it was both frustrating and intriguing.

"Let's get you a taxi." Cloud finally said, turning to look at Leon. Leon said nothing but continued to look at the blonde. Cloud matched his stare of what seemed like concentration with his own questioning, slightly confused one before he had to look away. "So..uh...yea. We do that...um...inside." he said in an effort to dispel the awkwardness.

After another moment Leon nodded and the two began to approach the building, both with a sinking weight in their chest that neither could possibly figure out the origin of.

**now on to the regularly scheduled programming**

_[recomended listening: 'Cars' - Now Now, Every Children]_

**five | fall apart**

Cloud awoke to the sunlight splashing across the bed and throughout the room like an ocean wave of early morning. With only a bit of resistance from his eyelids he opened his bright blue eyes, fixing them on the smooth expanse of off white ceiling above him. He took stock of his person starting from the tips of his toes and making his way up in his mind.

He was fine save for a very, very dry mouth and only the suggestion of a headache. Last night was a bit fuzzy in his mind but he was sure he would remember all of it as he woke up.

_Let's see..._ he thought, _Tifa brought us a ton of food and Soju...we played the question game._

Cloud shut his eyes tightly, mortification able to hit him now that he was sober. Leon had vaguely known him for **two days** and could see right through to his pathetic little heart how desperately he was in love with Zack.

"_Do you find me attractive?" Leon asked._

Cloud's eyes snapped open as Leon's voice suddenly entered his memory. _Oh God._

_Cloud waited until Leon opened a new bottle and was filling his glass before countering with his own question. "Do you find **me** attractive?"_

"_Yes." the brunette said without skipping a beat, filling the blonde glass almost to the brim and setting the bottle down beside it._

"Oh God!" Cloud exclaimed, rolling over to bury his face in his pillow. Maybe if he suffocated himself here he could regain some _dignity_. He hated the way his heart thumped in his chest at the memory.

Leon had _flirted_ with him so easily, like it was a game. Cloud knew that's what flirting, essentially, was. A game. Normally he wouldn't have any problems with some harmless alcohol induced flirting with a man as handsome as Leon, but this whole situation was just so complicated. Plus, the other man's words caused a familiar heat to pool in his stomach that was embarrassing since it was all just a game.

Embarassing, or maybe lonely was the better word.

Cloud sighed sitting up from the bed and making his way over to the bathroom. Despite the slight mortification at how free and open he'd allowed himself to be, the night was actually a pretty good one. It was definitely something he needed, especially after Zack had rushed out on them like that.

_And I wasn't the only one being free and open last night_. Cloud thought thinking of the brunette's handsome smile, one of his own mirroring his thoughts on his lips.

But still, Cloud found himself feeling more lonely than before.

Cloud idly recalled the rest of the evening as he brushed his teeth, piecing together how he'd gotten from Tifa's restaurant to his bed. Suddenly the blonde's eyes widened to twice their size and he bit down hard on his toothbrush, _Oh God. We held __**hands**__. We held hands like schoolgirls in love_!

Cloud let his forehead hit the cool surface of the mirror, eyes shut tightly as he tapped his forehead against the glass repeatedly.

_But what does that mean?_ Cloud thought. Could Leon possibly be interested in him? Or was he just full of drunken pity? Cloud shook his head, pulling away from the mirror to continue brushing his teeth. _It was just a little bit of drunk, harmless flirting_.

The thought made him a little sad.

_Could I possibly be interested in Leon?_ He thought before catching his eyes in the mirror and laughing softly. _Impossible_.

He heard his phone ringing and quickly finished brushing his teeth, running into the room to pick up his abandoned jeans from last night and pull his phone out of the pocket. He pressed the small device to his ear without looking at the caller id.

"WAKE UP CALL!" he heard Zack's voice exclaim in a volume that had him pulling the phone away from his ear.

"I'm awake." Cloud said, semi amused, semi confused.

"Juust making sure. Leon got in pre~tty late last night." he said, Cloud could practically hear his eyebrows wiggling suggestively. "Sorry for skipping out, but I think you guys had plenty of fun without me."

Cloud shook his head, going over to the closet to get some clothes for the day, "What's that supposed to mean? We ate, we drank, we went home. You didn't tell me Tifa owned the whole restaurant now!" he said accusingly.

Zack laughed, "Oh yea, I may have forgotten to bring that up. But seriously, did you have a good time?"

Cloud narrowed his eyes, just what was Zack trying to get at? "Yea," Cloud said honestly, "It was a nice time. I wish you could have stayed." he said honestly. He remembered walking with his hand curled comfortable around Leon's and blushed, thankful they were having the conversation over the phone and not in person.

"Next time, I promise. So don't forget, 9AM at the castle okay?"

"Sure thing, I'm going to take a quick shower then hop in a cab."

"Sound's good," Zack said, "See you soon!"

* * *

It wouldn't be until later when Cloud was standing in the shower rinsing the shampoo from his hair that he would realize that that had been the easiest, albeit brief, conversation he'd had with Zack in awhile. There had been no stomach clenching pain, no rattling in his chest, no difficulty keeping his voice level and natural. The realization hit him with surprise briefly, before he felt a pleased smile pulling at his features.

Getting over his stupid heartbreak might not be so difficult after all.

* * *

The castle garden was abuzz with activity as brides maids and groomsmen socialized. Cloud looked around the expansive grounds for a familiar face. He spotted Aerith standing conversing with a flamboyant, pink haired man who was gesturing wildly to a table of several different flower arrangements. Aerith looked uncharacteristically serious, delicate brows narrowed together in almost painful looking concentration. She gestured to one, saying something seemingly pleasing to the pink haired man. Cloud contemplated going over there to greet her and ask where he should be when he felt someone's presence join him.

"How are you feeling?" Leon asked casually, crossing his arms over his chest. He was wearing a slim fitting pair of black jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt that clung to his pleasantly built physique in the most alluring of ways. His long brown hair was held out of his face in a pony tail and he had a large, expensive looking camera hanging around his neck.

Cloud attempted to will the blush away from his face as he thought back to the feel of their hands perfectly fitting together last night. Leon seemed casual enough and he looked fine save a tell-tale tiredness around his otherwise sharp grey-blue eyes.

"I-I'm fine." Cloud said, offering a smile to combat his stutter. "No hangover or anything thankfully. How about you?"

Leon gave him a serious once over, a look flickering through his eyes so fast Cloud couldn't even begin to fathom what it meant. "Good." He said simply.

Cloud chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully after a beat of semi-awkward silence. "So...last night was fun...right?"

Leon gave him a sideways look that Cloud returned causing the brunette to turn and face him completely. He simply stared at Cloud until the younger man began to fidget slightly, "I enjoyed myself." he said finally, "And you?"

Cloud attempted to smile, nodding, "I'm...a bit embarrassed by how I acted honestly. I'm an open, honest, cuddly sort of drunk," he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. It was a blatant lie and he could see Roxas and Axel literally dying of laughter if they'd heard him, but Leon didn't need to know that. "So I'm sorry if I did anything out of line."

A flicker of a smile passed over Leon's features, leaving the blonde feeling cheated. He had seen the other man's smile several times last night and he found that he really liked it. It was a different smile than Zack's, not so much beaming and contagious as it was striking and disarming. Seeing the others smile left him feeling accomplished and rewarded and he liked the feeling of being the cause of them.

_Woah. What? _Cloud thought, shocked by his thought process. _Why did I just think of something like that? Leon is barely a friend. _

"You were never out of line," Leon said, "Like I said, I enjoyed myself. Maybe we could... visit your friends restaurant again... before going back to Traverse Town?"

Cloud nodded, "Yea I definitely owe Tifa a few hours of my time," he said laughing.

Suddenly Cloud felt a weight on his shoulders as Zack appeared between the two men, looping an arm around each of them. "Heeey guys! How ya feelin'? Not too hung over I hope? Leon's fine I know but you never could hold your liquor Spike."

Cloud felt something like anger flare in his stomach _Don't act like you know me so well_. He thought bitterly, "I'm fine."

"Really?" Zack enquired, turning his attention to Cloud as Leon squirmed out of his hold. "You sure?"

"Things change in ten years Zack." Cloud snapped, instantly regretting it. He had surprised himself with how angry Zack's comments had made him. As if the older man acting as if they were close was a lie. They had been close once, but who were they to act like they were still best friends?

Still, getting angry over something so trite made him feel pathetic and Cloud offered a, "But thank you for your concern."

Cloud could feel Leon's eyes burning holes into his face and so he made a deliberate point not to look at him. "So where should I be?"

"Oh, We reserved a room in the castle for you and the other musicians to practice, and then at 11 is going to be the first run through so everyone knows what they're doing for tomorrows dress rehearsal with the actual music and priest and stuff." Zack said, seemingly unaffected by Cloud's brief anger, "Come on I'll show you."

The two men walked through the lavish garden, waving briefly at Aerith before they continued on into the castle. Cloud remembered countless school trips here, their high school graduation ceremony, his mothers funeral. Anything that had to happen on a large scale in Radiant Garden always happened in the castle and the look, and feel, and smell of the place brought back a wave of nostalgia, both melancholy and pleasant.

Zack was babbling about something but Cloud found himself only half listening, focusing instead on the strange feelings leftover from his encounter with Leon and distant, hazy memories of being young, roaming the castle with Zack as if conquering the garden maze was the only important thing in life.

He allowed his gaze to fall to the man beside him, who had barely any trace of that young boy left in him. _What happened to us?_ Cloud thought frowning, _Is this what people do as they get older? How can this possibly feel right to Zack?_

The last time they had been in the castle together had been his mother's funeral. She had been sick for so long the majority of Cloud's life had been a waiting game. She had been too sick to really give him any sort of attention, and his father hadn't really been all that interested in him, especially not after he came out. So although he had spent his life independent, waiting for the moment to finally come, when it did he was lost.

Zack had been his source of strength, his vacation from the depths of daily life. He had saved Cloud and yet proven to him that he was not as independent as he believed. Instead of blood ties he relied heavily on what he thought were the steel strong bonds of love and friendship. After graduation he realized those ties were actually heartbreakingly flimsy. Zack and Aerith had become his tentative, makeshift family but he knew he didn't belong there. Zack and Aerith loved each other and while he loved them both as well he loved Zack in a way that was inappropriate for the circumstances, and he knew no matter how much he liked her, he'd always resent Aerith. He'd been convinced he'd left to protect Zack and Aerith's happiness...but lately he wondered if it was just to protect himself.

Either way he'd learned to stand on his own two feet, just barely, and coming back here had threatened to throw him back into the pitiful person he once was.

_I shouldn't have come_. Cloud thought, _Am I still so weak?_

* * *

"Helloo, earth to Cloud, come in Cloud."

Cloud looked up, startled out of his thoughts and noticed that Zack had stopped at a door and he had kept walking. The blonde back-peddled, returning to the older man's side. "Sorry...I'm a bit out of it." he answered honestly.

Zack smiled and ruffled his hair in a way that made the unfamiliar flare of rage threaten to spark up again, "Aw you shouldn't have drank so much Spike."

There was the sound of music coming from inside, signaling that the other musicians had already arrived and begun practicing. Cloud took a deep breath and opened the door, entering in with Zack behind him.

"Cloud!? Cloud Strife?!" came an excited shriek followed by a blur of black and gray as the blonde barely had time to settle his weight before he found himself in an almost violent embrace.

The blonde blinked, bewildered as the other eyes in the room mirrored his expression. He looked down recognizing the mess of black hair. He smiled, remembering the young girl. "Hey Yuffie. How've you been?"

"Don't 'hey Yuffie' me you big jerk!" she exclaimed pulling away, "Why haven't I seen you in ten friggen years huh?"

Cloud laughed, bringing his eyes back to the other people in the room, one arm loosely wrapped around the smaller girl. He recognized Riku, who had frozen, his bow half poised over his violin, and Sora, who was sitting in a chair with an almost identical face. In the corner with an acoustic guitar was a mulleted man he didn't recognize who regarded them all with a confused look.

"Geez I moved away I didn't die," Cloud said, effectively breaking the spell.

The two younger men rushed to join the hug. Zack joined and the four friends laughed, feeling as if they had momentarily been transported back in time. The mulleted man shrugged and joined the embrace.

When they pulled away Cloud regarded the unfamiliar man with a raised eyebrow, mouth quirking in amusement.

The other blonde shrugged, "I felt left out!" he exclaimed causing Cloud to laugh.

"I'm Demyx by the way, I'll be playing acoustic guitar for the wedding." he said putting out a hand.

Cloud took it, "Cloud. Piano."

"You didn't tell us Cloud was the pianist!" Riku exclaimed, punching Zack lightly on the shoulder.

Zack laughed holding his hands out, "Uh...surprise!"

"Man Cloud it's been forever! Have you always been this short?" Sora exclaimed giving the blonde another hug. Cloud scowled as he realized that yes, the little Sora from his memories had had some sort of ridiculous growth spurt in college that left him an inch or two taller.

"I'm a perfectly average height!" Cloud exclaimed shoving the younger boy away. "So Demyx is the guitarist and I'm the pianist, Riku's obviously going to play violin, so why're the two of you here?" he said in mock annoyance, quickly falling back into their old rhythm despite their only communication over the last decade being the occasional sporadic email and phone call on holidays.

Yuffie stuck her tongue out, "I'm the harpist." she said causing Cloud to burst into laughter.

"Seriously?! _You_?" he managed between laughter.

Yuffie scowled, "Yes _me_. Wanna make something of it blondie?" she said through clenched teeth.

Cloud attempted to get his laughter under control, "It's just...unexpected." he said, stifling a giggle. "What about you?" he turned to Sora who grinned widely.

"Moral support!" the brunette exclaimed.

Zack scoffed, "More like you can't bear to be apart from your boyfriend for ten seconds."

"Shut it Fair!"

Cloud's eyes widened, "You guys are _still_ together? Wow!"

He didn't know why he was so surprised that the couple was still going strong. If anyone could make it of course it was going to be the wonder couple Riku and Sora. Although he knew that in theory seeing it in real life was...strange. That two people had stayed together for over ten years and still seemed happy and in love was something that Cloud had believed in once but had since grown suspicious about.

"You don't have to sound so surprised," Riku said, an amused, mocking tone braided into the words.

"Sorry," Cloud said sheepishly.

"So what about you Cloud? Anyone special in your life?" Yuffie said, wriggling her eyebrows ridiculously.

Cloud laughed, shaking his head. "No, nothing like that." he said honestly, although an image of Leon's searching gaze filled his mind. He blinked, bewildered. _Why did I just think of that?_ He thought alarmed. _What the hell..._

This internal battle did not go unnoticed by Zack, who had always been exceptionally skilled at reading the blonde, despite the others assumptions. He smirked, before adjusting his expression. "Okay guys, friends or not I'm not paying you to socialize!" he exclaimed before heading to the door.

* * *

Two hours later Cloud found himself sitting off to the side while the wedding party went through the motions of the wedding. The four musicians had quickly fallen into a groove and the simple, familiar playlist was mastered within the hour. Once they were sure that they had everything down to perfection they caught up, talking about their lives and careers and getting to know each other again.

He had been sure he'd be able to work well with Riku and Yuffie but the introduction of Demyx was a pleasant surprise. The young man was talented and Cloud made a mental note to stay in touch.

The bridal party was currently making their way down the aisle a bit quicker than they would the day of the wedding, or even the real rehearsal. There was a general happy, goofy feeling in the air that made Cloud feel a bit nauseous.

They didn't need music for this and Cloud wondered if it was necessary for him to stick around. Zack and Aerith were too occupied to ask though, and he sort of wanted to be here anyway. Just to see if he could. His moment in the shower had left him feeling confident, but now he wasn't so sure.

"Hey Cloud," Sora said, approaching the blonde leaning against one of the pillars. "Still here huh?"

Cloud nodded, "Yep. Listen, I hope I didn't offend you or Riku earlier when I was surprised you two were still together. I didn't mean it that way."

Sora waved him away, "Oh please don't worry about it. We get that reaction most times we reunite with old friends." he said with a laugh. "Actually...to be honest I'm surprised you're here."

Cloud looked over to him curiously.

Sora shrugged, "I just...can imagine how...weird it must feel. Considering...you know."

Cloud attempted to keep his face neutral and his voice casual, "Oh...yea. It's nothing." he said, although he himself did not feel convinced.

"Still," Sora said quietly, locking eyes with the older blonde. "It's really good to see you."

Cloud smiled at his friend, "Likewise," he said, hoping the other could sense how much he meant it. The brunette went over to Riku who had just emerged from the castle and Cloud let his sight drift back towards the altar. Green vines climbed artfully around the white gazeebo, bursts of multi-colored flowers adorning the otherwise lush green landscape providing the perfect backdrop to the couples wedding. Cloud could not think of a more fitting setting aesthetically, and Cloud knew the garden held special memories for the couple as well.

Zack grabbed Aerith's hands so that the two stood, hands clasped before them. The pink haired grounds keeper said something that Cloud couldn't hear and everyone laughed. Cloud felt a tightness in his chest that caused his breathing to speed up. Aerith said something with a smile and Zack threw his head back and laughed and it was beautiful.

Cloud felt like his chest was caving in and the rattling pieces of his broken heart were piercing his lungs. His breath came in shallow, short bursts and he began to see dots in his vision.

Zack finished laughing, wiping a tear from his eye and he fixed Aerith with this

_look_.

And it hit Cloud, really hit Cloud for the first time how stupid he was. How little their time together meant. How insignificant and pathetic and useless it was. As _if_ it could mean anything in the face of _this_.

The look on Zack's face broke Cloud into a thousand tiny shatters and he felt the tears welling up.

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't stand here and have his breakdown in front of everyone. He couldn't draw the attention of any of his friends or Zack or Aerith and yet he couldn't move. He couldn't move, he couldn't breath, he felt like he was going to faint.

At that moment he felt a hand grip his bicep much too strongly. He looked up, eyes wet with tears he would rather die than shed to see Leon staring down at him.

"Come on," Leon said, pulling him away from the scene before he could completely lose control. The other man was pulling him along in a way that was almost painful but he couldn't find it in himself to care. They zipped quickly through the garden, exiting without incident to the parking lot where Leon rushed them to his car, letting go only when they were in front of the vehicle.

It was only once he was sitting down in the confines of Leon's rental car that he felt the tears overflow, spilling down over his face as if his body was aiming to be rid of them for once and for all.

"Cloud..." Leon said softly.

"I'm sorry," Cloud sobbed, "I thought I was over it. I thought I was stronger than this." The tears wouldn't stop and Cloud was so _angry_ at himself and that only made him cry _harder_. Frustrated, hopeless, lost tears on top of his sad, lonely, overwhelmed tears and he hated it.

"Really I'm just so _weak_ and I never realized it until right now." he exclaimed, his voice cracking with the strain. "What's wrong with me?" he asked desperately.

Leon clutched the steering wheel so tightly the leather cover squeaked in protest. His jaw was locked and his whole body rigid. He didn't know if he wanted to lean over and shake the blonde or kiss him.

So he did nothing.

He clenched his jaw so tightly he thought his teeth would shatter and slammed his boot on the gas.

* * *

**a|n:  
**again I'm really sorry for my horrible technological incompetence u.u  
so if last chapter felt like it ended strangely...that's why lol.

Sorry this took me so long to get out! My personal life is a complete ridiculous mess and I'm sort of freaking out about being a senior in college, but I'm learning that if you just _keep on_ something will happen to remind you why and then it'll be worth it. Even if it's just a tiny flickering moment it'll be enough to re-energize you with anything life can throw at you until you get overwhelmed and then another moment comes along and it just keeps on until...it doesn't...anymore...or something. what.

Did you guys know that _mulleted_ is not a real adjective?

I'm disappointed in the English language.


	7. two steps forward brings you back

_[recommended listening : 'Sympathy Bush' - Carissa's Weird]_

**six | two steps forward brings you back**

_It was snowing. The sky had darkened to a muddled watercolor mix and there was not a single sound outside of the priest's spiel and the occasional muffled sob of some family member who had climbed out of the woodwork for the occasion._

_Cloud stood next to his father, his face blank. He stared at the mahogany casket not sadly, not angrily; he just stared, occasionally blinking away the snowflakes that had gathered on his eyelashes._

_He wasn't listening to the speeches or the crying. He couldn't hear a single thing except for the creaking of the old pulleys as they lowered the casket into the ground. 'How many mothers have those pulleys lowered away?' he thought as the snow melted cold against his face._

_He felt nothing. His chest was empty and hollow and he was aware that there should have been something there, that he was usually filled to the brim with emotions threatening to burst; but that had been before. _

_He watched the casket dip lower and lower into the grave until it was completely gone._

_He didn't know his hands were balled into fists at his sides until he felt a gentle but firm hand breaking it apart, sliding in to fit itself between his fingers. He turned to his left, following the hand clasped within his up to the unusually grim face of Zack Fair. When their eyes met Zack smiled softly, a respectfully toned down version of his million-watt grin. _

_Zack had snowflakes on his eyelashes too and Cloud wanted to smile back but he couldn't._

_He turned away just as the tears began to fall, and stared down into the blackness of the grave squeezing the hand in his._

Leon set the coffee cup down in front of Cloud, effectively snatching him out of his thoughts. He slid onto the wooden bench across from him, wrapping both hands around his drink and giving the blonde a guarded, level stare. He raised his cup to his mouth and drank.

Cloud wrapped his hands around the cup, feeling the warmth. He offered Leon a smile but it came out weak and sad. The brunette's eyes, the only thing visible over the rim of the cup didn't change. They remained unreadable, the blue gray swirling as they stared him down.

Cloud felt incredibly embarrassed by his breakdown and unbearably grateful to Leon for getting him out of the situation. He'd cried silently in the car as Leon drove them around. Just as he was running out of tears they pulled into the coffee shop. Leon said nothing, squeezing his hand before getting out of the car.

"Thank you." Cloud said, talking about more than the coffee.

"It's an Americano. I wasn't sure what you drink." Leon said finally, setting his cup on the table.

"It's fine."

They sat in silence for a while, drinking their coffee before Leon cleared his throat quietly. "So..." he said, "What were you just thinking about?"

"Huh?" Cloud asked

"Before I came back."

"Oh," Cloud said, setting down his cup. He drummed his fingers on the table, "Just a memory. From awhile ago."

Leon didn't say anything, raising his cup to his mouth.

"Zack was there for me when my mom died, and after. If it weren't for him I probably would have fallen apart. That's probably why I fell for him so hard when I did. I thought I was over with, but…I guess not."

"Are you still that in love with him?" Leon asked.

Cloud thought about it. The feeling of being ripped in half while watching the wedding rehearsal was still vivid in his memories. It hurt too much to not mean anything. The memories of their relationship were pleasant but tainted with how it was tossed aside without discussion or care and how quickly he resettled with Aerith. But still Cloud had continued to be their friend. He didn't demand an explanation or protest. He'd just accepted it and when he moved away he thought he'd moved on. But Zack had been his vacation for so long, his first life. It was then he realized that every song he'd ever written was about Zack, and in some ways they always would be.

He thought, honestly thought, about whether or not he'd be with Zack again if given the opportunity, if Zack left Aerith and came to him. His heart filled with dread at the thought. _That wouldn't make me happy._

Cloud shook his head, "Zack was my first love. Life was…really hard and he was like a vacation for a really long time. I wouldn't have made it if it weren't for him. I'll always love him…but I'm not in love with him. Like I wouldn't want to be with him again if given the opportunity."

Leon was quiet for a moment, taking another sip of his coffee. "Would you mind telling me the full story?"

Cloud took a long gulp of his coffee, wishing it were liquor or something stronger that would make this easier. He figured it was the least he owed the other.

"There...isn't really much to say. We were childhood friends, he was my only friend for awhile really." Cloud said, smiling sadly into his coffee. "My father was...a hard person to get along with and my mother got sick when I was twelve."

Leon didn't say anything, watching Cloud without expression.

"She died just before I turned fifteen and things got really rough. Zack was there for me. I came out to him and he accepted me. I guess he was...curious because we started to...mess around. He never admitted to being curious but we were together for a little over a year. He was my first everything. Then little by little he got distant. I assumed he was busy but the day of our second year anniversary he invited me to meet him at the diner we'd always go to. He brought Aerith and introduced her as his girlfriend and that's how he broke up with me. We never spoke of it. We went back to just being friends and then I went away for school and never came back...until now."

"Why did you come back?" Leon asked.

Cloud laughed raising his cup to his mouth, "I've been trying to figure that out since I got in the taxi to the airport," he said with a laugh.

Leon set his cup down onto the table with a little more force than necessary. Cloud flinched at the unexpected sound, looking at Leon incredulously.

"I know he isn't a bad guy, but Zack is a coward and you deserve better." Leon said matter of factly, "I won't say that I know what you're feeling because heartbreak is different for everyone but I can relate."

Cloud was visibly confused.

"I allowed myself to love someone and they threw me away and it was terrible and I closed myself off for a long time. I was bitter and guarded but a friend helped me realized that I wasn't really living. And meeting you really cemented that for me."

"I...don't really understand." Cloud said honestly.

"I think you need to stop letting the past affect your life so much. You're chasing after a memory that isn't there anymore. And you're letting it consume you."

Cloud looked offended, opening his mouth to retort but Leon kept on,

"You deserve someone who will truly appreciate, care for, and most of all, respect you. When I say that you deserve better, I guess what I really mean is I want to be better for you."

"What?" Cloud asked, feeling his face heat up before the words were fully computed in his mind.

"I like you Cloud. I want you to forget about Zack and give me a chance. I'm overcoming my own memories as well, and I think we could help each other."

Cloud stared, eyes wide at the man in front of him. Leon almost regretted his words as he saw the confusion turn to panic, then disbelief, and then a guarded blankness, as if the curtains had been tightly shut.

Cloud had no idea how hard this was for him, how proud he was and to be so vulnerable was difficult. His lack of vulnerability was part of what ruined his last relationship. But he wouldn't allow himself to regret saying what he did. He was genuine in his words and actions.

"...What...I don't understand."

Leon sighed, picking his coffee cup up again, "Yes you do." Leon folded one leg over the other, trying to appear calm and collected although inside his heart was beating as if he had just run a marathon. "I...like you Cloud. You're handsome, you're interesting, and you're a good person who I think I can get along with. I think we can understand each other. Granted I don't know you very well, but I want to get to know you."

Cloud looked like he was going to say something, but didn't. Instead he just stared at Leon, who could practically see his words settling into the others head, piling one on top of the other to create the whole picture.

Leon allowed his insecurity to show briefly, looking down to give a ghost of a smile to his coffee, "It isn't until you start living that you realize that you weren't until then. And then you realize that you've wasted time, all this time you'll never be able to get back."

Leon looked up, locking eyes with Cloud and the blonde was taken aback by the sincerity swirling in the usually neutral, stormy grey blue. "You have to decide to live though, no one can choose that for you but yourself. You have to leave the past behind and choose a future you deserve."

Cloud looked away.

Leon turned his gaze away as well, choosing instead to focus on the bushes blooming outside of the coffee shops picture window. "Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I misread you...but I think you're interested in me too. I think you're ready to move on and try something new. You just have to let yourself."

Cloud frowned feeling a surge of anger, "You don't know me. You don't know anything about my life."

Leon's gaze snapped back towards him, "I know enough. _You_ volunteered enough. You got me involved," he snapped.

After a moment he sighed, running a hand through his hair, "I want to know more about you, that doesn't have to do with Zack or your past. I'd like you to let me know the Cloud from today onward."

Cloud felt his heart jump at the words he knew he needed. Panicked he stood up abruptly, stepping out from behind the bench, "I...have to go."

Leon raised his cup to his mouth, keeping his face neutral as his eyes watched the blonde flee the shop, his heart sinking deep inside his chest.

* * *

Cloud walked through the once familiar streets aimlessly. So much had changed in ten years and yet in other ways, everything was exactly the same. It was like his childhood neighborhood covered with a fresh coat of paint and it no longer felt like his. It was hard to believe this was where he grew up, where he became the person he was. For the most part his memories here were unpleasant; it was the people who salvaged the city. As if his body had steered his mind in the direction he needed to be he found himself at the door of 7th Heaven. He pushed open the door, the bells at the top of the door ringing to signal his entrance.

"Welcome!" Tifa called in a singsong voice, tossing the rag she was using to wipe down a table over her shoulder. Her smile fell and her expression transformed into one of worry as she caught sight of her childhood friend. She quickly moved around the table, moving to stand closer. "Cloud? What's wrong?" she asked, raising a hand to cup his cheek.

The restaurant was practically empty, and Tifa left the other two employees in charge as she sat the bar with Cloud and listened to his story. Cloud twisted the cup of whiskey she'd poured him in his hands as he filled Tifa in on everything from the end of his and Zack's relationship, to meeting Leon, to his breakdown at the wedding rehearsal and Leon's subsequent confession at the coffee house. When he was finished with his story there was thick silence.

"You're such a moron." Tifa said softly.

Cloud turned to look at her, shocked.

She smiled at him affectionately, "You're always beating yourself up over things that aren't your fault. That you can't change." She punched Cloud lightly on the arm, "What happened with you and Zack is unfortunate. And I know that he's sorry that he hurt you that way. You deserve to be loved properly and completely. Leon seems to have the right idea."

Cloud turned so he was completely facing Tifa. "You don't know anything about him."

"True," the brunette said, "But I've seen you together. I've seen how he looks at you..._and_ how you look at him."

Cloud scowled, picking up his cup and downing the amber liquid in one gulp.

Tifa simply refilled it, "Tell me. How many guys have you dated since Zack?"

Cloud shrugged, "Three or four."

Tifa rolled her eyes, "I don't mean how many guys have you been on multiple dates with or had sex with. I mean really dated. How many guys have you opened up to and had them open up back? How many have you been exclusive with and been vulnerable with?"

Cloud frowned into his whiskey. He had dated extensively in the ten years since Zack, all beautiful lighthearted dark haired jokers that were the exact opposite of himself. But nothing had ever really taken off. Whether it was he pulling away or the other, the relationships all stopped at good fun. Like a vacation they were a brief refuge from the monotony of daily life, and then they were over.

He thought when was the last time he had been completely open and vulnerable with someone, and had them reciprocate. Leon's face flashed across his mind. Cloud couldn't deny that Leon's confession had made his heart jump, but the initial joy was quickly wiped away by a thick and blinding panic.

"I can't hurt myself like that again," he said finally, locking onto Tifa's patient eyes, hoping to communicate his sincerity.

The girl simply smiled, "Love is a learning experience Cloud. No one gets it right the first time. You get involved and you find out what you like and don't like. Maybe you get hurt, and you hurt a lot of people too, but you dust yourself off and you keep trying to make it work. If you don't try you won't get hurt, but you won't find happiness either."

Cloud gave his childhood friend a sideways smile, "You're so lame Tiff."

Tifa wrinkled her nose, punching Cloud on the arm. It was soft, but carried with it a suggestion of her actual power, "Watch it."

They shared a small laugh before settling into a comfortable silence.

After a few moments Tifa leaned her elbow on the counter, resting her chin in her flat palm, "But...do you like Leon?" Cloud's face remained neutral as he thought of all his encounters with the man, from the taxi outside the airport, to the airplane, to meeting him again at Aerith's and Zack's. He thought about their dinner and subsequent evening, and of Leon's quick actions to help him at the rehearsal. He thought of the warm, comfortable feeling he got when he was with the other, and how when he was alone he felt the absence of it and how it terrified him.

"I think so," he said quietly, as if he himself was surprised to find out.

Tifa smiled, raising her glass to knock softly into Cloud's. "Then do your best." She said before they took their shots.

When the blonde set his glass on the table the reality of his situation dawned on him. Leon had confessed to him in the coffee shop. Had offered him everything he needed and wanted and opened up to him and Cloud fled. He left him there.

"I have to go." Cloud said suddenly, practically knocking over the stool in his hurry to get to his feet.

Tifa jumped slightly, shocked, "What? Where?" she asked, looking at the clock above the bar. "It's almost ten Cloud."

"I have to make things right."

Tifa smiled, shaking her head, "I'm not going to even try and stop you. Good luck."

Cloud nodded, swiftly making his way to the door.

"Cloud!" Tifa called, causing the blonde to stop and turn back toward the bar.

"Welcome back."

* * *

**a|n:**  
sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out! school has been totally kicking my butt~but the semesters almost over, and then I just want to have a fanfiction extravaganza lolI hope this chapter finds you all well, and if you enjoyed it or have something to say, please review.

also, I've given up on dreamwidth and moved over to tumblr. I'm still new to things but slowly getting it [god I feel old lol]. My username there is emmirayne, and the link is in my profile. Let's be friends!


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